Serious Prayers are needed.

I often call out to my friends and relatives for situations like what I am about to mention. I consider all of the people who read my blog friends too, so I am including you.

Last night, early this morning, our office secretary's middle son got into an accident. He was driving home in the early morning hours and took a turn too wide and flipped into a ditch. The accident left him paralyzed from the waist down and the doctors have given him a 20% chance of a full recovery. It has been pretty somber around here and my coworkers and I are keeping him in his prayers that he makes that full recovery.

Sssh, you are making too much noise.

I haven't had much to blog about lately. My life has been pretty boring and I haven't gotten myself into any hi jinx that would warrant a post. I still don't really. This post is because of a 3 (or 4) year old boy....

Every other week, my roommate gets his kids for the weekend. He picks them up on Fridays and then drops them off on Sundays. Usually during those weeks, we try to keep things around the house calm and collected and I try to behave myself. Doesn't always work, but for the most part, I am a good little boy.

Friday night was no different. I had softball practice at 7 and didn't get home til around 10. I thought I was tired so I headed to bed, turned the T.V. on in my room and put the volume at a level that was just enough to hear, but not enough to wake anyone. Then set the timer so it would shut off cause I was definitely going to be asleep. Right? Wrong.

I could not fall asleep. No boring movie could do it. Tylenol P.M. couldn't do it. Nothing was working. 1 am comes. Still awake. 3 am. Eyes wide open. 5am. Hello sun starting to creep. And each time I just kept watching T.V. cause I need the noise to fall asleep. I had to get some sleep. The kids wake up at 6 and if I don't get some soon, I never would.

5:30 am - Come on JP go to sleep. Do it!!
5:45 am - Yawn. Maybe I'm almost there...

And then at 6 am I see my door start to open. In walks my roommates son as if he's reading my mind he says, "John, go to sleep, you are making too much noise"

And with that. 10 minutes later I am asleep.

I guess I just needed permission from him to go to sleep. What am I going to do next weekend?

My Poor Baby!!!!

The July 4th weekend is usually filled with fun, friends, booze, and of course fireworks. But for some unlucky individuals it is also filled with car accidents, busted fenders, and curbside vomit. Such was the case for me this weekend.

It started of innocently enough. Dodgeball at 7pm, shower at 830, and then off to party at 930.

Then all of a sudden, the laughter and fun changed changed as at around 5 in the morning, I started sneezing. I'll let the following pictures give you an idea of what happened next....


Luckily for me and the other party involved, no one was hurt. Hell even when the police officer showed up, he didn't have a real reason to file a report (that or he was just really lazy and didn't feel like dealing with it).

*UPDATE* I'm so glad I have full coverage on my car. The total amount of work that is going to be done is going to cost $2100 (I have a $500 dollar deductible).

Seriously Guys It's just a game.

I'm still pretty busy over here, but I'll try better I promise.

Last night my mens softball team won again. We are now 11-1, with 2 more games to play and we've already clinched the division title. I expect to see some players rested and everybody getting some substantial time in the field in our next game. There was a incident however last night that kind made the game a little less than fun.

In the first game, one of our players was on his way to base and everyone knew he was going to be tagged out. Unfortunately, when he was running he slipped, and he got tagged in the face unintentionally. He knew, the guy that tagged him knew it, our team knew it, the other team knew it. Well except for their teams pitcher. After the play, he decided that it would be best to yell at the guy that tagged our runner for dirty play. What followed was a 10 minute argument that we were afraid was about to come to blows. Words were exchanged, names were called and language was used. And for the next hour these two men were pissed and could not be near each other.

And what is worse? IT IS A CHURCH LEAGUE. We pray (moment of silence for some) before and after the game and they still acted like this.

Good going guys. Way to be an example. Especially with kids right there watching.

I *cough* am going *cough cough* to the *cough hack cough* beach

... and will come back smelling like a campfire.

Over the past couple of weeks, we've been experiencing a somewhat daily air problem: Smoke from one or both of the 2 wildfires that are burning in Virginia and North Carolina. It has gotten so bad that all of the elderly homes in the area have put a kibosh on all outdoor activity. People have been confined to four walls and windows only to look outside and see a fog-like haze blanketing the area. It was so bad this morning, that there were patches of smoke coming off the ground that gave the impression that they were on fire themselves. What's worse is that there is no end in sight at this time. One of the fires is located in the Great Dismal Swamp of Chesapeake, Virginia and is starting to burn the peat layers of the swamp, which when dry, will smoke and smolder for months.

I will say though, that all this smoke is making me want to go on a camping trip. Anyone want to come?

Also - For those of you that are interested:

1. Kickball is over for the spring and unfortunately, our team was not one of the better teams and only won 3 out of 10 games and had to forfeit our playoff game because we could not field enough players.
2. The co-ed softball team is playing will and we have fought our way to a 4-4 record. Despite only having 9 players for our set of games this past Friday, we were able to split the two games, losing 9-6 in the first game and winning the second game 14-4.
3. The male softball team is kicking tail and we now have a 7-1 record and are tied for 1st place with the other 7-1 team in our division. That team's 1 loss is attributed to us, and our 1 loss came at their hands.
4. And finally, dodgeball starts this week and I have been practicing with wrenches and for the past couple of weeks. My doctors cleared me last night saying that it was only a mild concussion and that my boys will heal themselves over time.
   

What does it say about you?...

When you are driving a convertible Porsche and you are sucking your thumb?

And I'm not talking the maybe you are biting your nails or pricked your thumb type of sucking. I'm talking mouth filling, like you are sucking on (use your imagination here) type of sucking.

Sun, Fun, and Nearly Asleep Sayings

Memorial Day weekends is the unofficial kickoff of the summer season. It's usually when the average person starts having weekend Bar-B-Q's outside and the official start of the warm weather tourists season. Most people travel to see loved ones and friends. Some stay home and have a cookout or visit the beach, the lake or some other place where you can find relaxation. And for some it's that time of year when they forget to wear the sunblock and turn into a human radish and hate anyone that tries to even think about touching them.

For me I had a little bit of everything. From traveling to see some friends, a trip to the beach, and then a search for any type of aloe lotion that will lie to you and tell you it will heal your sunburn almost instantly. God I love summer!

Hi. My name is John. Nice to meet you.

This weekend I had the privilege of meeting one of my favorite bloggers; Catherinette. Let me tell you guys, she is the same away from her blog. I'm not just talking the quick witted comments or the "boozy suzy" part either. I'm talking the 14 yr old teenage girl trapped in a "older" body (I'm not gonna reveal her age). Want proof?

Scenario #1:
While at dinner with Catherinette and another blogger, Newmie, at Claddagh Pub in Baltimore, we somehow got on the conversation about CS's unhealthy fear of squirrels. Our waiter (who by the way was a barrel of laughs. And by barrel of laughs I mean he obviously had no interest in serving us) told us a story about an old man surrounded by the furry little devils "eating nuts" out of his hand. We then switch subjects and just as the waiter leaves, CS comes up with this gold nugget:

OK, I just have to back up to what the waiter said about eating nuts out of his hand and say..... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Scenario #2:
At same dinner, where I ordered a steak, I mention to the table. "Mmm this meat is good" and with out missing a beat I hear the infamous phrase: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

This continued for the entire time and I, being a guy, was laughing at every single one.

I'm thinking of a black cat..... And then Sebastian saved the squirrel.

Those close to me know that if I am having a conversation with someone late at night and I get to that where I am a second from falling asleep, I will start to speak nonsense. Such was the case on Saturday night.

After a day filled with a trip to an art museum, a nice little coffee shop near Federal Hill in Baltimore, a trip to Wegmans (my absolute favorite place to get food for any reason), and to a wine vineyard, I was just a little tired. During a conversation with some friends, my exhaustion started to over take me and then I uttered the phrase above.

I'm so glad that those there with me could get a laugh on my behalf.

Ok, why didn't you pack the freaking sunblock?!

While I had such a great time in Baltimore, my day in D.C. left me a little sore. And I'm talking sore in that I know look like a lobster. A freaking cooked lobster that is sitting on your plate, red as hell, ready to be eaten. For some reason, I keep forgetting that 3hrs in direct sun watching a baseball game, will make your skin a wonderfully red hue, and even more red when you forget to wear sunblock.

So for the past 2 days, I've been applying an ungodly amount of Aloe Vera to make the pain go away and keep from looking like a snake coming out of my skin a week from now. Now I feel like I'm all sweaty and sticky.

"That's what she said"

I'm looking... *UPDATE*

At something that looks really good. So good that I want some. I want it really really bad. Matter of fact I think I will go get some.

If you know me... you know what is.

Let's see how well you do know me.

WELL.... Since I've given everyone some time to stew on this... I guess I should answer the question.

I am looking at... a... piece... of... GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE!

Unfortunately it was really nasty and I couldn't finish it....

I thought I've had bad days.

Taken from something I read on Facebook...

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy...

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a "worst job experience"
contest. Needless to say, she won.

"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." And whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: is this a "jellyfish bad" day?"

Ok that really hurts.

I'm not kidding either.

This weekend I tweaked something in my knee and I'm in serious pain right now. I can't walk, stand, or get out of a chair without cringing from the feeling that I have. I almost dropped a pizza right on a customer as I was delivering it to them. I told them I slipped and they believed me.

I feel as if someone is stabbing my knee from behind and keeps doing it in hopes I will fall to the ground crying. But.... They will not win. This is not the first time that I have had this happen and it probably won't be the last, but I will make it. It usually comes and goes and right now I'm waiting for it to go.

Is it just me...

or is Rumplemintz like Extacy in liquid form?

I think it is.

----------------
Now playing: Jason Mraz - Good Orderly Direction
via FoxyTunes

I know what I am watching this summer.

I don't care if he is into scientology now. As long as he doesn't become like Tom Cruise I am totally watching his movies.

The Good, The Great, and the Hurting

I'm having fun Y'all!!

I know what some of you are thinking... JP?! What the hell?! Why do you always disappear on us? What are we not good enough for you anymore?

Well to be honest... No!

Kidding!!!! I KID!!

Honestly, it's because I am so busy and I don't have internet connection at home so it's only when I am work that I can update everyone. That being said... Time for an update.

The Good.
I'm having so much fun right now. From playing kickball and softball, to working my two jobs, to the warmer weather feeling oh so good. Life is GOOD. And of course buying and selling friends, and having Human Pets on Facebook is always entertaining. Plus I have all my friends that are a drunken text or dial away that always keep a smile on my face.

The Great.
It's looking like I have joined a pretty good softball team this year. We had our first game this past Friday night and let's just say this. Despite the score of the second game(we won both games 15-3 and 9-7), we kicked ass!! I play in a coed league, where you are only as strong as the girls on your team, and our girls are pretty good. PLUS, my kickball team finally won a game this week.

The Hurting.

1. Injury #1. As much fun as I have been having, I have been been using muscles that I have not used in a long time and so I am becoming increasingly sore. I think I may of even strained a muscle in my leg and it looks a little swollen. I'll play through the pain though cause I am pimp like that.
2. Injury #2. During the softball game, while sliding into second base, the peg holding the base came out of the ground and rubbed against my leg, leaving a nice long red trail of skin and blood. I'll live though. I only had to cut my leg off below the knee. One leg is always better than none.
3. Potential Hurting. I am also going to begin a workout program in the near future. I had to take a break during the fall and winter of last year because of my work schedule, but I have reduced that so I can get back in shape. And for those of you interested.... Yes I will be posting pictures.

So there you have. JP's update for the past week and a half. Expect more soon. It'll be a slack week at the office, and I'll probably have a drink or two during the week. Drunk text/dial recipients be ready.

No Words to Describe This.

Just Watch



----------------
Listening to: Timbaland - Time (feat. She Wants Revenge)
via FoxyTunes

They are taking over the world next!

We got our own gang in the office.

I think my office may soon be the headquarters for a notorious gang. They don't have a gang name yet, but they sure have their colors.

This guy even had a Spinning Superman on his belt.

Osama-bin-Laden you better watch out! They are coming for you first!!!

----------------
Listening to: Jason Mraz - Good Orderly Direction
via FoxyTunes

A little more about the number change.

I did have a little fun with it.

While in the long run, I ended up changing my number, I did try to have a little fun with it. I swear there is another person on the other end pushing the buttons trying to make it seem like a conversation, so excuse any repetition that you see. It's really how the conversation went down.

ME: Hello?
"CHLOE": Hi How are you?
ME: Not to well. I have a rash and the ointment is just not working.
"CHLOE": I'm sorry hun, maybe Chloe can help.
ME: You know how to fix this?
"CHLOE": Chloe has the answer for you.
ME: No way! The doctor said it was herpes or some sort of genital wart and I'd never get rid of it.
"CHLOE": You are kidding your self when you say no.
ME: Okay?... Well you going to help me out or not?
"CHLOE": Is there a question you have for me?
ME: Yeah actually, do you know who I got this shit from?
"CHLOE": Is there a gentleman in your life?
ME: Why yes there is.
"CHLOE": Is there a baby involved?
ME: Damn you are good! Actually yes!
"CHLOE": Did he play football in highschool?
ME: He still does, but yeah....
"CHLOE": Yep it's him.
ME: That MUTHAFUCKA SAID HE WAS CLEAN!!!
"CHLOE": The cards here tell me you have an anger problem.
ME: HUN, YOU DON'T NEED CARDS TO SEE THAT! I'M GONNA KILL THAT BASTARD
"CHLOE": I am seeing a death card.
ME: NO FUCKING SHIT!!! I JUST TOLD YOU I'M GONNA KILL HIM, NOT A VERY GOOD PSYCHIC ARE YOU?!
"CHLOE": You need to go to the hospital, right now or you are in danger.
ME: *gulp* Danger?!
"CHLOE": Yes I see a death in 3 days.
ME: Oh shit!
"CHLOE": I love you!!!
ME: Thanks hun.
"CHLOE": Is there a secret you are not telling me?
ME: Well I guess you were going to find out sooner or later. Um..... are you sure you want to hear this?
"CHLOE": Chloe has the answer for you.
ME: Well ok.... um....
"CHLOE": Is there a question you have for me?
ME: Did you know I knew your son?
"CHLOE": Chloe knows all.
ME: Did you know that it was my house he was coming to?
"CHLOE": I'm sorry could you speak up.
ME: He gave this to me.
"CHLOE": I am seeing a death card. *click*

Someone please help me. I think she may have put a voodoo curse on me.

My own blogger confession...

I have a little bit of Redneck in me.

This is probably why I find this funny. If you have a little redneck in you, you just might chuckle too...

Don't hate me. At least I didn't go to my family reunion looking for a wife....... this year.

"Hi How are You?" "I love You!" "Is there something you have to ask me?"

"I see that you have an anger problem", " You need to get yourself to a hospital soon or you are going to die in 3 days"

This is the type of bullshit I was getting for the past 3 weeks.

Somehow someway, "Chloe" the psycho psychic got my phone number and felt a need to call me. This started about 2 weeks ago, obviously I didn't die.

While I usually laugh at these type of encounters and pay them no mind. This one became a problem. As each day went by, the phone calls became more and more frequent. It started with one phone call a day, then to two and gradually til it reached the point that between the hours of 8am and 3 pm, I would get somewhere between 10 and 20 calls a day.

One day, I got tired of it and called my cell phone company to see if I could find out who it was and somehow press charges against them. While I was on the phone, they called me 7 times in the matter of 5 minutes. Unfortunately they had blocked the number so there was no way that they could find out who it was.

So to combat the nonsense and to keep from getting the ridiculous phone calls and having to press ignore every time, I changed my number.

Now I have to call everyone to let them know I changed my number. Well except for the credit card companies and bill collectors....

Things not to think while in a meeting with your boss...

This morning, my boss called me in for a meeting with 3 other people. During the meeting the following phrase was uttered:

"18 inches seems unrealistic, so I'd like to see 6"

My first thought:

"So would your wife"

The momentary silence and light chuckling that followed indicated that I was not the only one thinking along the same lines....

I'm falling...

Was it just a dream?

We have all had those dreams before. While in a deep deep sleep, you find yourself falling. What happens if you land in that dream do you die or is it just a dream? Does your dream mean something? Those questions will always be asked and I find myself asking myself one of those questions today.

Yesterday, while laying in bed due to a sore throat, a fever and muscle cramps all over my body, I had a dream. There I was just walking when all of a sudden a rolling pin gets under my foot and I begin to fall. Before I could land, I woke up. However, my mind still had that falling feeling and when I put my hands down to brace myself, I ended up throwing myself out of my bed onto my floor. I think that my have hurt myself worse.

Go Kansas!!

For once I can say that I had it right!!! SWEET!!!

Many of you may remember that at the beginning of March, I placed my kiss of death on the Kansas Jayhawks by picking them to win this years NCAA National Championship. This year, my kiss of death turned out to be the Kiss of Victory as they ended up beating the Memphis Tigers 75-68 in O.T. I think my luck is turning around. Alright who wants me to pick the next champion?

Let the Games Begin

Just keep your balls away from my face

Last night the kickball season started once again. It was fun despite losing 10-1. I wish I could say we are going to field a competitive team this year, but I really doubt it. It's ok though. We still have flip cup.

My last post *UPDATE*

Farewell to you all.

Today will be my last post. Last night I decided to give up blogging. This decision stems from an arguement that I had last night with someone I care about. She is near and dear to me and was very offended by a couple of the posts. I have tried to use abbreviations and false names, but she always knew what was going on. So for the sanctity of my relationship with her, I will be ending my blog. For those that you that I have come into contact with and have developed a friendship, you have my cell and most likely I have yours. For those of you that don't I'm sorry and I bid you adieu.

Thank You for the fun times.

JP

*UPDATE*
God I love April Fools Day!

Please Pray, etc. etc.

I've stated many times that I try to keep my personal life out of my blog. I like to keep the private... well... private. Today, I found out something and I've been battling with in my head, thinking about a friend of mine and what they may possibly being going through.

What I am about to share is a something that I thought I would never have to deal with, even though I thought I would know how to react if it ever did happen. Today when it happened, I didn't have that reaction. Hell I don't even know how to react. I wish I did, but I am glad that I don't. If I knew to react, that would make me into a robot void of any emotions.

I am a little reluctant to post how I feel, but honestly, seeing a fellow blogger ask for prayers and good vibes for someone close to them, I can't help but do the same.

Today a personal friend of mine is hurting. She doesn't want to get out of bed feeling she may have chosen the wrong thing. You see, up until recently, she was pregnant. She was scared and excited about having a child, but was petrified about the pregnancy. She couldn't sleep and for her the pregnancy was one of constant pain. She has a pre-existing kidney condition and had been taking medication for that. Not long ago, the doctors told her that if she were to carry the pregnancy to full term, there was a strong possibility that either she or the baby would not survive. It scared her even more. She had determined that she had lived a good life and would carry the baby as long as she could.

Unfortunately there were too many people in her ears and they convinced her to have an abortion.

Everyone, I am not a very emotional person. I will laugh alot, but it's often very hard for me to cry. Today I cried.

Since the day of the abortion she told me that she has not left her bedroom and does not want to. She feels like a murderer and can't go 3 minutes crying about what happened.

I am asking everyone to please pray, send good vibes, whatever you can to my friend. She needs it.

And please, no negative comments. I don't care if you are pro-life, pro-choice, or "she's got to live with the consequences" type. Now is not the time to even go there.

Thank you everyone.

John

Play Ball!!!!

And I'm not talking about the baseball season coming up...

It's that time of year again. The time when a bunch of alcoholics drink a lot of balls and kick some beer. Or is it drink some balls and kick a lot of beer. Whatever it is, it's kickball season again and I have joined another team. While I am not too thrilled with the chosen shirt color (Heliconia Pink), I do like our team name: ALCOHOLICS UNANIMOUS. Tonight we are having a meet and greet and will practicing our flip cup / beer drinking skills... oh what fun this is going to be.

Stay tuned for weekly updates on the drunken stories of red balls, cold beer, and messy clothing. I may give you some game updates too.

GRRR! I thought I was going to be the first!!!

After my drunk dial escapade the other night, I was talking to GB about ways to prevent any more dd's in the future. And we came up with a cell phone breathalyser. Problem. Some Korean numnut beat me to it 2 years ago.

New Cell Can Tell If You're Drunk

It's main use was to prevent drunk driving, but when you get to the bottom of the article, it mentions that it'll even prevent making calls if necessary.

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!!!

I talked to you for how long?

The cell phone is a very dangerous thing when I have been drinking.....

Yeah you heard me... dangerous. Just ask the 10 people I called after 2 am on Saturday morning.

I remember talking to 2 of the people. I am hazy on everything else. When I called to apologize to everyone, one person told me that I talked to them for 25 minutes and that I was one funny bastard.

I even called a couple co-workers. Yeah... let's just say, the next day at work was just a little awkward.

So note to everyone that I talk to... either change your number or don't give me your phone number, or one of these days, sometime after the 2 o'clock hour on a Saturday or Sunday morning, you'll be getting a phone call from a very drunken JP.

March Madness

It's that time of year everyone, time for everyone that likes sports to take a stab at trying to say that they knew who the college basketball champs are going to be.

Fill out your brackets everyone and let's see how wrong we all are.

My kiss of death this year goes to Kansas. Let's hope I am wrong and I can win some cash.

I hope she gets a twitch....

and takes a bite....

The other day, I went out with a female friend of mine that I had known since my senior in high school. When Recon Man asked what I was up to. Here is the exchange that followed:

Me: I'm heading out with OHSF (Old High School Friend for the anagram challenged)
RM: You @#$% her yet.
Me: No, I told you before. We are friends, that is it, that is all it'll ever be.
RM: You need to get on that.
Me: No we are friends.
RM: When's the last time you got some?
Me: ___ ago.
RM: How much did she cost you?
Me: @#$% You!!
RM: HAHA
Me: I hope you get none tonight!
RM: HAHA
Me: I hope she is on her period tonight!
RM: She is, but I'll still some if you know what I mean.
Me: @#$% You!!
RM: HAHA
Me: I hope she gets a twitch and take a bite out of your @#$%!

Asshole!!! HAHA!!!

A text to brighten my day.

Sometimes the simple things make me happy.

After the day I have been having so far, I was either going to need some alcohol or some other stress relief to brighten my day.

I would like to thank a fellow blogger for sending me the following text message to achieve the needed results without me having to get trashed in the process:

Omg. A lady at the docs office just said "smile everybody-we're getting u thru as fast as we can!" give me 1 good reason why I should let her live

Said blogger shall remain anonymous to protect their identity, but thank you for the laugh. I know how hard it was for them not to kill me when I uttered the words "smile" to them before.

Will you stop interfering in my life?!

And let others do what they want.

For those of you that are unaware, I was once married. Because of that marriage, I "inherited" some in-laws. A mother in-law, a grandmother in-law, and even a sister in-law. After the marriage ended, I didn't have the in-laws anymore, but I still at least had a friendship with those same people, but am no longer related to them by marriage. I even had my sister in-law as one of my top friends on my Myspace page, because honestly we still talk.

This has been a sour point for my ex, however, and she has constantly pitched a fit about it.

This morning I got a myspace message from my ex sister in-law:

Hey I have to delete you from my friends list right now because T saw that I was on your top friends. So I'm going to do that, but don't worry I'll make my profile un-private. I just don't want to upset here because she feels so strongly about it.

I really don't get it. One of the issues that my ex had with me, was that the church I was attending at the time of our divorce, was very controlling and was invasive into our marriage. We weren't "allowed" to have friends outside of the church and we be "strongly encouraged" to dis-associate ourselves with people outside of unity of our congregation. And yet, she feels a need to get force someone to stop being friends with me. Sounds very hypocritical to me.

She keeps telling me that she wants to be friends, but when she interferes in my life, it makes it really hard to do that. I don't tell her who to talk to, be friends with or "add" to her Myspace page. Yet she will go to mine, and force her sister to delete me. Interesting.

Ok I'm off my soap-box. Any thoughts?

Who am I effing?

Thanks to GB for introducing me to this... Watch them in order!!!

LOL!!!!

And you think that makes me want to work harder

My boss just said something to me that kind of ticks me off. I think he was trying to make me work harder, but it just made me look at him and say, "Well No Shit"!!

I try not in the habit of complaining openly about people I work for, but I sometimes find myself doing so. Today will be one of those days.

This morning, he comes in, hands me some work, and this is our conversation:

"I need this in exactly one hour".

After looking at what he hands me "I can do it, but it'll won't be quite the quality of work you are used to."

"I don't care, just get it done"

So I go back to my desk and start working on it. I'm going fast and furious and flying getting the work done. 55 minutes later, I walk into his office, hand him the work and then he proceeds to add more shit to the project and then tells me he needs it done PRONTO. I go, take care of it, give it back to it and he's off to a meeting to show off the work that was just done. I breathe a sigh of relief and go back to the umpteen million other things that I need to get done.

After the meeting, he comes back and calls me into his office. I'm expecting more markups and to be told, "Ok now make it look right." HA only in my dreams. This is what I got:

"JP, this looks like CRAP! My daughter could of done this, and she's only 8"

"Well no shit. I told you it would. You can't give me an hour to do 3 hours of work and expect it to look right"

If I didn't love my job, sometimes I swear I just up and quit.

my "FIRST" tattoo

Tattoo #2. I don't have much time to explain right now, but I will don't you worry.

Where have you gone Mr. Wilks?

I'm here, just busy...

It's been quite a while since I wrote a blog I know, and I am sorry. I've just had a lot going on lately. A lot of it involves work and some of it is a personal thing.

Can I go home now?
For the past 3 weeks, I have been absolutely killing myself with work. I'm not just talking a couple hours of overtime, I'm talking the kind of O.T. where you think about bringing a pillow, a blanket, and some toiletries to the office so you can take a nap break from working. I've worked so much that at times when I look at the computer screen, I'll see triple of what is in front of me and then I know that it's time for one of the nap breaks.

RIP Josephine Gorab
Another reason I have been scarce was the passing of my grandmother in law a little over a week ago. I am related to her through my marriage and while the marriage was severed, my personal relationship with her never did. She liked me from day one and will always hold a special place in my heart. I had to go to the funeral to say good bye and to say I was sorry for not being a better husband to her grand-daughter, and to thank her for the love she showed me regardless.

She lived a long life and fought a good fight. She was in her early 80's when she passed and I will miss her dearly.

RIP Naunie.

Memories... Of the B.S. I have done.

Once again I have been tagged for something and only because I truly love this person (Imogen's Mom) am I even considering doing this one... I will say though, it was fun digging through past posts. Enjoy.

Archive Meme Instructions: Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written...but there is a catch:

Link 1 must be about family.
Link 2 must be about friends.
Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are, what you’re all about.
Link 4 must be about something you love.
Link 5 can be anything you choose.

It's a great way to circulate some of the great older posts everyone has written, return to a few great places in our memories and also learn a little something about ourselves and each other that we may not know. Post your five links and then tag five other people. At least TWO of the people you tag must be newer acquaintances so that you get to know each other better...and don’t forget to read the archive posts and leave comments!

1. My family post. Sometimes kids say the funniest things. This time was no exception and is still by far the funniest thing that has probably ever happened to my sister.

2. My friends post. There were so many to choose from because I have some wonderful friends. I chose this because we still have the ball sitting in the back yard.

3. My ME post. It's all about me. It's really is just a small sampling of the things I have figured out about myself.

4. The thing that I love, But I don't get to do that often. It's actually a series of things. I will link to the first post, and if you so decide, you can read the follow up posts.

5. And finally my random one. It really is random. I just closed my eyes, hit the mouse button a couple of times, pointed it at something, and the post that was the closest won.

I hereby tag the following....TAB, Steph, Ginormous Boobs, DRB, and Catherinette. And if I didn't tag you and feel compelled, go right ahead. I won't stop you.

Jeff Dunham and Sweet Daddy

This is freaking HILARIOUS!!



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Listening to: Creed - Are You Ready?
via FoxyTunes

Who are you voting for?

I don't know yet, but I know who it's not.

Thanks to Red for posting this little survey.... BUT, I think I need to change a couple of my answers. There is no way I am voting for this guy....

	Mitt Romney Score: 44	Agree Iraq Taxes Stem-Cell Research Abortion Social Security Line-Item Veto Energy Marriage Death Penalty Gun Control	Disagree Immigration Health Care Environment Education
-- Take the Quiz! --

I'm such a dork

Sip. Step. Step. Sip. Step. Step. Sip. Step. Step.

Yesterday, I did one of my spontaneous actions that got a slight laugh out of my co-workers.

I had just made a cup of JP Mocha (hot chocolate and coffee) and was walking towards my desk. Since I filled the cup to the brim, and I didn't want it spilling. I would take 2 steps, stop, and then take a sip. I then followed with 2 more steps, stopping, and taking a sip. I did this whole routine through 6 sips.

After my 2 sip, I just so happened to walk past a co-workers desk and he was noticing my routine. This is the conversation that followed.

Co-Worker: That coffee must be amazing! You can't go 2 steps without taking a sip.

No: Actually, the coffee is ok. I just wanted to show you that I have My Drink N My Two Step. Now I'm gonna go home, get the Patron, and tell em it's on.

Gawd, I can be such a dork sometimes......

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Listening to: Cassidy - My Drink N' My 2 Step
via FoxyTunes

I like to make sure it's tight when I put it in

It'll loosen up as you work it.

I won't stick it in, unless I bag it first.

He was just hammering away.

Those were just a couple of the many things we said as we were taking down Recon Man's tent the other day. It's amazing how some phrases can be taken in the wrong way.....

You didn't think we were talking about sex were you?

JP's first sex post?

Okay, I saw this on a blog and decide I would fill it out myself. This may be the first of many sex posts. We will see...... =0)

1. DID YOU GET LAID IN 2007?
YES!!!

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
If you consider a place you pay to get in that anyone can get in, public, then ..... I'll say yes.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
No, most of the time there is nothing to laugh about.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
Do cries of pleasure count?

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
Honestly, I really like the feeling of a warm body next to mine, so I'll say yes.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Never regret, just decide to never do it again.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Actually Yes I did once. I had been going for a while and I couldn't move anymore.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
Talk dirty to me, I'll work harder.

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
Yes

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Eww Never.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Yes.

12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME?
I don't think that I could ever.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
No I don't need porn to get me going.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
No, I am always focused on the person in front of (or under) me.

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE?
No, but I was really sweaty one time and it slipped off.

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
There was the one time that I was a "minute man" but I chalk that up to not having any for a long long long long long time.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
I was almost a quarter century old.

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
I will not name names, but I think that person knows.

19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE?
Better than possible.

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
Puhlease... I am a guy ya know.

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
Nun-ya.

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
No, too cramped.

23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?
I got a myspace message from her a couple of weeks ago. I didn't respond.

24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
If you have dated someone I know, then you are off limits.

25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
Unknown to me at the time, yes.

26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
I'll tell you when it happens

27. LINGERIE?
Yes please.

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
Um that would be a big negative. WAY too Many dicks in one rooms just doesn't work.

WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX
( )park
( )church
( )cemetery
( )beach, never again, the sand goes EVERYWHERE...well maybe I could be convinced..
()boat
( )school
( )parent's bed
(X)your bed
(X)car
( )picnic table
(X)kitchen counter
(X)couch/chair
(X)dining room/kitchen table
()woods (open and/or in a tent)
()hood of a car
(X)bathroom
(X)shower
(X)the other person's bed
()porch/deck/balcony
(X)in a house with parents home
()at a party
()on top of the washer/dryer
(X)with other people in the room
(X)hotel
()concert
()grandparent's house
()field
()bleachers
(X) in a pool.
(X) in a hot tub.

Now if any one wants to repost this, go right ahead. I will not "TAG" anyone this time... But be forewarned... I may tag you next time.

Kevin Smith gets his revenge.

How to respond to someone tells you that you suck

Snoop Dogg?! NO!!!!!!

Seriously?



Please tell me I am not the only one disturbed by this.

And please please tell me that I am not the only one that can't get this song out of my head.

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Listening to: Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction (Edited)
via FoxyTunes

HA!! *UPDATE*

Well I guess I better stop blogging and go cry in a corner. Pfft!!

You know I absolutely love it when people feel the need to just come out and tell you what they think. Especially when you really didn't ask or care for their opinion.

Whenever I post here, I make an effort to add a link to my myspace so some of my friends can take a glance at what I write. It gives them a chance to look see what I am doing and the things I go through. (I know I could do that in myspace, but it's so much easier here).

Yesterday was no different, when I put the link up for my EVERYBODY STOP post. This morning I got a myspace message concerning that post:

"ur blogs suck"

Really? Wow. I guess I better stop blogging and go cry in a corner now. Thank you so much for this very constructive criticism. I promise I will do better just to make sure you are happy. Would you like to proof read all of my blogs to make sure they don't suck anymore? Would you please oh please oh blog master show me how it's done? Oh wait you don't write anything you fat tub o lard. You apparently like to just sit back and critique things that you read.

I'm so glad I really don't care what anyone thinks about anything I do. Cause you know, that statement would of really hurt if I really gave a shit.

If anyone else who reads my blog really feels that way, I have a small suggestion for you, STOP READING! And if you feel like commenting on my writing abilities, please feel free to do so. Just know, that I will respond and tell you how much I care.

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Listening to: 3 Doors Down - Live for Today
via FoxyTunes

*UPDATE*

Ok so I have to make a retraction now. Apparently when I read my friends comment about my blog, I must of be so tired I couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

Here is the subsuquent exchange of messages:

From: (insert name here)
Date: Jan 16, 2008 9:30 PM

lol was a joke.. and i knew id get something back with a negative comment.. when i gave you a positive comment on the last blog you never comented back.. just thought id see what id get with the negative...and i was right.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: The Infamous JP:
Date: Jan 16, 2008 4:28 AM


can't make everyone happy now can I?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: (insert name here)
Date: Jan 15, 2008 9:30 PM


ur blogs suck

Someone feels like a D-bag. Guess who that is.
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Listening to: Black Eyed Peas - Anxiety
via FoxyTunes

Everybody Stop!!

And sing with me.

We've all seen this commercial. And if you haven't you should watch it now.

Rock Me Gently.



Something like this happened the other day.

While working at the restaurant, we are usually allowed to play music in the kitchen and from time to time people will sing along. It's usually done under our breaths or it's usually only a couple of people singing.

This time it started out just like that. One person would start out singing, then another person would join, then another, then another, then another, then... you catch the drift. Within a matter of 30-40 seconds, every person was singing the song. I'm talking all 15 kitchen workers and the 3 customers in the place at the time, were not only singing, but some were actually dancing.

And what song was playing do you ask...

Well listen for yourself. And I dare you not to sing along.


(p.s. this is not the actual video, it's someone else doing the video to the song because Mr. Chesney won't let anyone embed his video)

I really should be working, but I need a break

So it's time for some photobucket fun.

Photobucket Fun!
1) Answer the questions below.
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket or Google Images.
3) Take a picture from the first page of results and post.
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you!

1. The Age you will be on your next birthday.
2. A place you would like to visit.
3. Your favorite place to be.
4. Your favorite object.
5. Your favorite food.
6. Your favorite animal.
7. Your favorite color.
8. The town you were born.
9. The town where you live now.
10. The name of a past pet.
11. First name of a past love.
12. Nickname / screen name.
13. Your middle name.
14. Your last name.
15. A bad habit you have.
16. Your first job.

VEGAS BABY!!!

I'm so excited, I can't even think of a secondary title.

I'm going to Vegas Baby and I think my cabin fever will be cured (at least for a month).

One of my favorite bloggers invited me to join a Vegas trip that they are taking, and I jumped at the opportunity. I really can't express to you how excited I am.

I will be flying out first thing this coming Saturday and will be returning early Tuesday morning. Apparently the plans are to go to an ALL YOU CAN drink bar and then hitting a strip club afterwards. I am also supposed to find out if I can hold my liquor, unless my friend is talking about someone else.

I will tell all the stories as soon as I get back, if I can remember them.

New Layout

Check out my New Layout Everyone

Oh I think I like it!!

You Guys Like Me You Really Like Me!!

I won? I demand a recount!

Many of you know that I have been delivering pizza as a second job since the middle of summer. I started out working for one of the run of the mill, pizza only places that likes to rape it's drivers of their money without them really knowing it. I was working 4 days a weeks while I was there and would get home between 1 and 4 in the morning depending on the day and how busy it was and then getting to work by 8 the next day.

Not wanting to continue that cycle for too long, I changed company's around mid October, and I kid you not when I say that I absolutely loved the change. This place is basically a restaurant that serves pizza on the side. I very rarely work past 10:30 when I am scheduled there and the shifts are on average only 4 hours long. And what's even better... it's located in a affluent neighborhood and therefore the TIPS ARE AMAZING!!

Now the one drawback to working the pizza delivery side is this, you don't get enough time to really get to know any of the other people that work there, especially the waitstaff. I very rarely see them unless I am not working and getting food for myself.

Or so I thought....

Last night, the company threw the much delayed, out of place Christmas/New Year's Party. There was the whole Secret Santa and Year End Superlatives and everything. Having not been there for too long, I wasn't expecting to get any of the superlatives nor was I expecting a gift that would really be fitting for me. Boy, not only was I wrong I was surprised.

And the winner of the Best Customer Service for a Driver is...... JP!!

What? Are you serious? Check the numbers again. That's impossible, nobody knows me.
Wow thanks everyone.

That's right everyone, after 2-1/2 months, I am known for my customer service. I also found out that I was nominated for being the best dressed outside of work and for hardest working driver too.

I was also surprised when it came to exchange gifts for the Secret Santa. I received a pair of Virginia Tech glasses in the shape of a football. Talk about the perfect gift.

I got the person I had a pair of candles along with candle holder and a Victoria's Secret gift card, unfortunately she was not there, so the manager will give it to her later. I hope she likes it.

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Listening to: Good Charlotte - I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem)
via FoxyTunes

Cabin Fever

I think I started my life in reverse.

It wasn't that long ago (about 2-3 years) that I used to love relaxing at home on the weekend and was perfectly content with that. The thought of going someplace was always nice, but nothing could really get me to walk out the door of my house/apartment. It's been that way for most of my life.

When I was a kid, my weekends were spent in the back yard with friends coming over. As I got older, I would only leave the comfort of my home to go to church on Sundays. Even when I moved out for the first time, I would very rarely venture out of the house just for the hell of it.

NOW it is completely different. I loathe staying at home with nothing to do. I've got to do something eventually. Even during the week, when I should be sleeping so I can make it to work on time the next day, I find myself craving some fun. I need to be out, hanging with friends, drinking, or just doing something.

In the past 2 weeks, I have made spontaneous trips out of town for a day. I have tried inviting people come join me to watch a football game at a sports bar. I am even seriously contemplating an impromptu invitation to Vegas in 2 weeks.

Am I getting younger or am I still trying to make up for being the oldest 20 year old there is? You decide.

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Listening to: Gorillaz - Demon Days
via FoxyTunes

I'm f****d. I have the wrong set of keys and I can't get in the house.

"You're not going to freeze in the cold like those Mexicans"

I have a habit of doing stupid things without thinking sometimes, or paying attention for that matter. I've been known to come to work with my zipper down on many occasions. Last night was no different.

The Virginia Tech vs. Kansas game was on my schedule last night, and I just couldn't watch that at home. I had to be around a bunch of other Hokies when they won, so I opted to go to a sports bar instead.

On my way out the door, I grabbed my keys to my car, got in and headed out anxious drink and eat Virginia Tech to a victory. I invited some of my friends to join me, but only The Fencing Dancer showed up (despite her declaration before hand that she was rooting for Kansas).

Unfortunately, 2 things happen during the course of the night that made it eventful.

1. Virginia Tech lost. (not the end of the world I know, but I really wanted to gloat because Virginia lost also a couple of days before).

2. I grabbed the wrong set of keys and had no way to get in the house after I got home. I searched my car furiously for them, thinking that maybe I had brought them with me. I never found them and tried to call my roommate to let me in. Apparently he crashed and didn't hear the phone ring, the doorbell or the pounding of my fist against the door.

If it wasn't for The Fencing Dancer's hospitality and insistence that I was not going "sleep in the cold and die like those Mexicans", I would of slept in the car with the 2 jackets and blanket I had in the car for emergencies. Thank You!!!

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Listening to: 50 Cent - Fire (feat. Nicole Scherzinger & Young Buck)
via FoxyTunes

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Listening to: Jason Mraz - Welcome to Saratoga: Older Lover Undercover (Live from Montalvo)
via FoxyTunes

It's the New Year Y'all!!!

I hope life is great in 2008!!!

I know I know it seems like I have dropped of the face of the planet. I swear it is nothing personal. I've just been busy with the Holidays and with work (that and the fact that I know my boss can find my blog, I gotta be careful).

But I am back and will be at my usual post, blogging away.

It's been a fun couple of weeks. I enjoyed My Christmas Vacation and had one of the best New Year's Celebrations ever.

But now that the holidays are over. It's back to work as usual.

Right boss?