Wednesday, September 26, 2007

More WTF?!

I'm glad I meet your approval... That was sarcasm in case you didn't know.

Last night I went out with my boys Recon Man and Mr. TG to Cafe when the unthinkable happens, my ex walks right next to us and says "O Hi guys".

Talk about awkward!!! I'm talking, pit in the stomach now feeling like I have 30 lbs of something in there awkward. That feeling didn't last long when I was whisked right past her, VIP status and walked right in while she had to pay whatever cover charge there is. What was even better, was seeing from the corner of my eye, her paying $6 for whatever drink she was having, while I could of just told them what I wanted and have it delivered to me at no charge. (I was the DD last night, so I didn't).

The rest of the night there was minimal interaction. I did say hi and wave, but not much else.

Then without warning or even provocation, I get a text from her.

"You look good. I'm proud of you"

WTF?!?! You're proud of me?! Back the f*ck up!! At what point in our lives, did I start seeking the approval of her? My dad told me he was proud of me once. That meant something. But to tell me that I look good and you are proud of me, indicates that this person thinks that I became this guy:

I'm an idiot.

Most of you already knew that....

Every 7-11 has them. Whether they are Indian, Chinese, Japanese, or one of the other "eses". You can't get away from seeing one at the next 7-11. At the one I went to yesterday, the people there were a mixture of Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, and Filipino.

The new promotional/new item they are selling is Eggrolls and they are selling them 2 for $3. Like every chain, there is a competition to sell the most of something, and today was eggroll day.

I am not a big eggroll fan. Never have, probably never will, but still they had to sell them to me.

Here is the conversation as it goes, while I am standing over the hot dog / eggroll cooker ....

Employee #1: You want eggroll?
JP: No thanks, but I'd like to have 2 quarter pound big bites please.
Employee #1: Ok I get you hot dog (and begins to get my order)
Employee #2 (who snuck up behind me): You want eggroll?
JP: I'm good thank you. I'm not a big eggroll fan.
Employee #2: *Gasp* Everyone like eggroll.
JP: Everyone cept me. (Employee #1 hands me my order at this time)
Employee #1: You sure you no want eggroll.
JP: I'm sure, thank you though. (I then proceed to counter to pay)
Employee #3 (at counter): Will that be all? You want eggroll?
JP: Haha no thanks...
Employee #3: You sure, eggroll is good.
JP (In my worst Chinese voice): I NO LIKE EGGROLL!!

I'm an idiot.

I think Employee #1 had gotten a broom at and had intentions of doing inventive things with the handle of the broom stick at that point.

Needless to say, I paid for my hot dogs and left pretty quickly.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Touchy Subjects.

I am about to tackle one.

*Disclaimer: If you decide not to read my blog again after reading this. I'm sorry you feel that way. I am a white male. I make no apologies for that. I enjoy spending time with friends. Many of which are not white. I don't see color. I see habits. I see actions. And if you act like an idiot, walk like an idiot, then guess what? You are an idiot.

Over the past couple of days, I have been debating whether or not I should voice my opinions concerning the Jena 6 subject. I have my opinion and some may call me a racist, and some may just agree with me. I will not sit here and begin by trying to explain how I am not racist by having black friends or sugar coating what I have to say. Everyone has a negative feelings about some aspects of a different race. You are lying if you say you don't. How many people have looked at a person of Arab descent and immediately thought terrorist? How many people have looked at a group of 4-5 black men and thought, they are up to no good? What about the Mexican down the street? I bet you think he is working somewhere in construction for peanuts, taking the job of a much higher paid person. We've all been guilty. Stop lying and face the facts.

That being said, I'll explain to you now why I have decided to make this post.

Last night, on a local news broadcast, there was a video shown of 7 black kids attacking a white kid in the middle of the street. None of the 7 were arrested or charged as of yet. And they should be. The attack was unprovoked and all eye witness accounts of the events said, that the reason for the attack was.... because the kid was white.

This is the cause for many "race-related" fights all to often. The color of someone's skin.

As was the case in Jena, La. 6 black teenagers attacked a white male. They beat the kid to the point of unconsciousness. They kicked and kicked and kicked at someone who could not defend himself.

And then those same kids got arrested. As they deserved to be. They got tried. As they deserved to be. And there were convictions. As there ought to have been.

We hear stories of a "white tree". A label that the parents will tell you is true, but the teachers at the school will tell you is false.

Then we hear about 3 nooses on a tree(there were actually 2), that when hung were used by students (both white and black) more as a rope swing until school authorities ordered to be taken down, when students started putting their heads through the loops.

And next we hear that the students who hung the noose were only suspended 3 days. When in actuality, they were also given in school suspension for two weeks as well as being sent to an alternative school for about a month.

Mychal Bell, the one student in the center of the whole distpute, was indeed an honor student with a high grade point average. However, to say he didn't have a criminal record is untrue. He was in fact on probation for previous battery charges and criminal property damage.

I will concede, however, that it is pretty widely known by the people who live there that blacks in the community tend to be treated more harsh than whites. Authorities do need to look into the practices of the system there.

In my opinion, I think that each and every one of the students involved in the beating, need to punished. They committed a crime and they need to do the time. Do they deserve to be tried as adults? Not unless there were adults when the attack happened. Do they deserve 20 yrs or 100yrs of prison? No. But they do need to punished. If this is the first offense, which for some it is not, then put them on probation. If there are habitual offenders, as it appears Mychal Bell is, then they deserve to spend time behind bars. I don't care they were black, white, latino, or asian.

In a country where we demand that celebrities get no special treatment and that we demand that politicians immediately resign if they have a lapse in judgment. How dare we demand that criminals who are guilty go free?

Admit it, we are a hypocritical nation. What would we be protesting if we reversed the colors in the situation, or if Mychal Bell was the victim of 6 white students? What if instead of nooses being hung, there were Klan hats being hung? What if we heard that Mychal Bell had called one of the white guy a "honky" or a "cracker"? Would we still be outraged if those white students were to be tried as adults?

I don't think so.

Huge bugs everywhere

Are we being invaded? I am seeing these large things everywhere. I'm scared people.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Aliens have landed.

Proof I do have a heart.

This little creature, while ugly, almost scary looking and easily at about 4 inches wide, is still alive. That's what happens when you leave me alone and don't invade my space. You hear that Tony? Oh wait Tony's dead.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Maybe they should stop kicking kegs.

We Win!!

It took us 3 games, but my kickball team won a game last night. I don' t know the score, but I do know it was a lot to a little.

I got on base and scored every time, but my defense was a little slack. It's kind of hard to go from catching a small white ball to catching this big red bouncy ball bigger than the size of your head.


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Now playing: Nickelback - Someone That You're With
via FoxyTunes

Monday, September 17, 2007

Award Winning....

See White Trash is Funny...

Everyone's favorite White Trash hero won the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. I'd like to thank Wal-Mart for providing her a dress to wear for the LOW LOW LOW Price of $19.99. Way to go Jaime.

WTF?!!


Red all the way!

This is a forward of a picture message that my ex sent me this weekend. After looking at the picture, here is the list of questions I have come up with for her....
  1. Um, doesn't all the way indicate something along the lines of all of your hair and not just part of it? Or did you just run out of dye?
  2. Are you insane? What on God's green earth makes you think that is attractive?
  3. Will you be directing construction traffic for the next couple of months?
  4. Are you sure you weren't in a nuclear accident and that is the result of the radiation?
  5. Don't you think Dusty the Wonder Dog would like his dog collar back?
  6. Of all people, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SEND THAT TO ME?! I know we are civil and all, but I just ate dinner. I'd like to keep it in my stomach.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Writers Block

I have no material this week.

Seriously, there is nothing exciting, educational, or relatively humorous for me to write about this week. I have tried 3 times and each time I come up with nothing. This is what information I have, and it's giving me zippo.

  1. Imogen's Mom had a birthday (soon she'll join the 30 and over crowd like me).
  2. TTT is moving out.
  3. I'm almost completely moved in.
  4. Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper, is by far the funniest blogger I have ever read.
  5. When doing a Google search for "Infamous JP", my blog is the first link that comes up.
  6. My kickball team lost this week 4-3, and we are now 0-2.

SEE nothing of remote interest. I hate weeks like this. I think it's because I am sick.

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Now playing: Matisyahu - King Without A Crown
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Gym Class Heroes - Biters Block
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Sometimes the past comes back...

And it makes you appreciate the changes that have been made since...

This weekend I was finishing up my move from my apartment into a house that I am moving into. While I was going through the "Keep or Throw Away" pile I ran into some old pictures of my ex-wife and I. Needless to say I went through a whole world of emotions at that very instant. Part of my got happy cause I remember the good times. Some of me got happier cause I remember the bad times. Then I got angry because of the WORST time. And finally, for a short time I got depressed cause I remembered the FINAL time.

BUT, instead of dwelling on the broken marriage and the emotions I was feeling at the time. Something rose up and me and I started thinking about what has happened in my life since the last time I ever saw her, and I couldn't help to smile.

I also started thinking about the important people in my life.

Here are the people that are important to me.

  1. MY FAMILY. They are first and foremost the only ones that have always been there for me. And besides, when there are people who have actually seen what happens when you have a bowel, don't they have to hold a special place in your life.
  2. IMOGEN'S MOM. She is probably the one person other than family I just could not do without. I have known her for almost 13 yrs and over the last year and a half have gotten closer. She is, without a doubt, my best female friend, if not my best friend.
  3. PB. We are almost a kindred spirit. We are going through the same mess with spouses and have learned how to encourage each other. Whether it be talking about past stories or just saying "Here have another Select". He is definitely my best male friend. Well that and he is my roommate.
  4. TTT. Even though I have know her for the shortest amount of time and she is considerably younger, I can do nothing but smile when ever I talk to her. Separated by thousands of miles and 3 time zones, she'll always make time for me and I always have a way to make time for her.
  5. Ms. INNOCENT. She is the one who helped me find my creative/assh*le side, and how not to be a prick when it comes out. Another person who lives hours away from me, but I will always find time for when she calls.
  6. Mrs. G. Ironically, she is the only married person of the bunch (in my age bracket) and the person I have known the longest. She's been there through thick and thin, ups and downs and still she hasn't kicked me out of her life.
  7. Mr Solovacic. Those of you that know him, know why. The most down to earth, fun loving person I know. He will go out of his way to cook dinner for you, even when his bank account says that it can't. Yet he still finds a way. And trust me if you think you have some stories to tell, wait til you sit and talk with him. You'll just pop in to say hi, and four hours later you are stuffed and have heard some of the funniest things in your life.
And the absolute most important person in my life? Jesus!! I don't know I have made it this far, but he has gotten me through it all.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Are you serious?

Britney?! Come on Britney?!


Apparently Imogen's Mom has a fascination with Britney Spears (pre-K-FED). It don't get it. Even before K-FED, she had a 4 hour marriage to one of her dancers. In case you forgot about Jason Alexander Imogen's Mom, led me remind you of the Vegas wedding that was annulled MONTHS before the K-FED phase.

She holds Britney on such a high pedestal she threatened to dissolve our friendship. I hope she was joking.

Now if she would of said Jessica Alba or even Alyssa Milano, I would of gladly taken a backseat. But not Britney. You can't get rid of me that easy. I'm gonna make you see the errors of your ways Imogen's Mom.


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Now playing: Hinder - Lips Of An Angel
via FoxyTunes

That is just Evil.... I love it.

Get him drunk and then let him go buckwild.

I have known Liam's Mom for quite some time. We were pretty serious for while and were moving towards marriage, but it didn't happen. (That is another story I may tell later).

Today she unhappily married with two kids. She is so unhappy that she has made a decision that as soon as she is done with nursing school next year, she is leaving him. They are unofficially separated now, so it wouldn't be too much of a change for her. She sleeps in her own room and lord knows where he sleeps.

Today she tells me her plan to kind of ease him out the marriage too.

She's gonna get him drunk and try to get him into a drunken night of passion with another woman.

I don't know what here motive is for this is exactly, but I have to admit that is pure evil. AND I LOVE IT!!

Recap Finale

This is it. If you want to know more ask me and I will tell you.

Ok, here is the last and final installment of my Vacation stories. This one is more of a series of small mental notes I made during my trip.

  1. California is HUGE!! If I was planning on visiting the entire state, I would need more than a week to do so.
  2. I found out that Keenan Ivory Wayans knows the intricacies of spankings, and that he is into bondage. I was disturbed by the, but at the same token, the person who told me that... can "whip" me anytime.
  3. Airsofting is fun. Thank you TTT and JNA for taking me.
  4. TTT, thank you for spending that Sunday with me. I REALLY enjoyed myself.
  5. If you ever get the chance to "couch surf" with someone do it. You'll never know the kind of interesting people you might meet. TAB is a very interesting woman. 2 days was not enough time to talk to her.
  6. William Randolph Hearst was one materialistic son of a bitch. 22 Karat gold everywhere in your pool house?! Are you effing serious?!
  7. I LOVE college towns. Especially small college towns. Guys you know what I am talking about!!
Now that vacation is over and I have shared my stories, it's back to business as usual. And that, frankly, does not excite me.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Vacation Recap #3

Vacation 2007 Recap cont'd

I promised you some stories from my vacation, and I am going to follow through with those promises. They will come over the next couple of posts...


Is that an echo I hear?

During my 30 yrs I've been through many storms, both because of nature and because of circumstances in my life.

I've been in earthquakes.
I've experienced floods.
I've been frozen by blizzards.
I've weathered a Category 2 hurricane.
I've seen and heard thunderstorms.

But I was not prepared for what I heard on my first night in Santa Margarita.

We've all been there. I storm comes out of nowhere and the lightning and thunder start. The flash of the sky as the electrons break through the atmosphere. The roar of the thunder that rolls right behind it. Sometimes they come at the same time.

That night was unlike any other those times except for one detail: the echo.

Now I'm not positive about this, but apparently, when there are thunderstorms in the mountains of California, there is an echo. The rolling thunder didn't sound the same. It almost seemed empty. Kind of that I'm only going through the motions cause I really don't want to make a sound type of empty.

Don't get me wrong, it was still loud, it had to be to wake me out of my sleep like it did. It just didn't have the same, I'm destroying something feel I get from the storms we have in Virginia.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Story Time continues.

Vacation 2007 Recap Cont'd

I promised you some stories from my vacation, and I am going to follow through with those promises. They will come over the next couple of posts...

The time I heard "I don't know how to pump gas"

Yes I actually heard that phrase come out of someone's mouth. No it was not from a child.

Apparently there are some states out there that pamper their drivers and prevent them from getting out of the car and being responsible for gas. I know New Jersey is like that. I've been there a couple of times and didn't have to get out my vehicle to receive more fuel. Parts of that I like (it's so much easier when it's 10 degrees below to have someone else do it), parts of it I hate (I have to tip these poor people now, because it has got to be murder to do that all day long).

That being said, there is still no excuse why anyone should not know where to stick the nozzle if they leave the comfort those states.

Apparently this one young 23 yr old female, didn't get that memo.

On my one excursion day fleeing the heat of is now know as the Hill of Hades, I was on my way to Hearst Castle. On my way I stopped to get some gas at a small gas station in San Luis Obispo. When I got there, there were 5 people huddled around the back of a Isuzu Trooper (3 guys, 2 girls). I didn't really pay attention to what they were huddling about. I did check to see if they had presidential masks and shotguns, but to my joy they did not.

So I get out, pump my gas, go inside to drain the weasel, wash my hands, buy Imogen's Mom her shot glass souvenir, and go to the counter. At that moment, the ring leader of the group walks in the store, walks up to the man at the counter and utters this phrase"

"HI I'M FROM ORE-EE-GAWN, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUMP GAS. CAN YOU HELP ME?"

It took all of my strength not to burst out in "belly-rolling laughter" right then and there. It was even harder when the attendant looked at me and telepathically said, "I think I just piddled myself. That has to be the funniest thing I have heard since you got beat 4 times at Uno".

So for all of you Oregonians and New Jerseyians out there, here is a lesson on how to pump gas.

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Now playing on iTunes: Kanye West - Stronger
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing on iTunes: 50 Cent - Ayo Technology
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

It's Story time Boys and Girls

The Vacation 2007 Recap begins.

So here it is, my first day back at work, after long, well needed vacation, and you know what I am ready for... my NEXT vacation.
Anyway, I promised you some stories from my vacation, and I am going to follow through with those promises. They will come over the next couple of posts...

The Life and Times of Tony the Tarantula.

After spending a couple of days enjoying the city life of California, it was time to head back to nature. So into the mountains of Santa Margarita to do some "roughing it". I get to my location and I am lucky to get the shaded campsite that is secluded. The are hills behind me and the road leading to the site, no other people around, and the bugs and mosquitoes seem to have taken some time off. Life is good. Until Thursday.

Tony was a young hairy beast. He probably measured to be about 5" in span with prickly black hair everywhere. He was also very adventurous.

That day, he decided to go on a leisurely walk. It just so happened, there was a tent in his territory he had never seen before. He determined he would check out this new development and welcome his new neighbor.

Unfortunately I do not like spiders. I'm not scared of them, but I have been known to kill my share of arachnids.

So as Tony starts coming my way, I decided I would try and protect my territory. I grabbed the newspaper I was going to use to start the fire, rolled it up and... hit the ground in front of him. (I'm not a savage people, well at least not at this point).

He stopped. And then he began walking again. I hit the ground again. He stopped and then started walking again.

Unfazed at this point, but still not wanting a eight-legged bunk mate for the evening, I needed another way to show him he was not welcome. So I grab the bug spray I had, my lighter and aimed it at him. Just then I heard Smokey the Bear say to me, "JP, now you know that 'Only You can prevent....' Holy S**t that thing is huge, torch the motha!"

So I took the can, lit the lighter and... sprayed in his direction, but not on him. I do have somewhat of a heart. I just wanted him to go away. But he didn't like that. Matter of fact I think I made him mad. I say this because instead of being the cute little creature he was before, he now only had 4 of his eight legs on the ground and the others were in what looked like attack mode.

OH S**T!!!

At this point, is when things got real. I had to stop playing. Obviously he quit playing too.

I didn't want to waste any more of my bug spray and I didn't want to waste my kindling, so I had to do something else. And then I saw it. 7 inches in diameter, 3 inches tall and shaped perfectly for my hand and perfectly for his head.

I think the rock was probably about 8lbs in weight to me, but to Tony, it could of been 2 tons. I don't know.

As I slowly crawl towards this boulder of death, Tony watched me. I could see my reflection in 6 of his eyes as he followed me with his gaze. Closer and closer I came to the object of my desire, the more he turned to keep me in front of him.

My fingers touched it, my palm grazed it, and I picked it up, and in one swift motion, I grabbed it, picked it up, rotated my arm and forcefully placed the rock back on the ground right on top of Tony. There was no screaming, no pleads for me to stop, no crunch. Just the sound of rock thumping on the ground.

I gave my adversary a proper funeral. Like the mighty Achilleus and Darth Vader, I burned him and said farewell to my friend my foe.

Rest in Peace Tony.

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Now playing on iTunes: Jason Mraz - Galaxy (Live)
via FoxyTunes