Sun, Fun, and Nearly Asleep Sayings

Memorial Day weekends is the unofficial kickoff of the summer season. It's usually when the average person starts having weekend Bar-B-Q's outside and the official start of the warm weather tourists season. Most people travel to see loved ones and friends. Some stay home and have a cookout or visit the beach, the lake or some other place where you can find relaxation. And for some it's that time of year when they forget to wear the sunblock and turn into a human radish and hate anyone that tries to even think about touching them.

For me I had a little bit of everything. From traveling to see some friends, a trip to the beach, and then a search for any type of aloe lotion that will lie to you and tell you it will heal your sunburn almost instantly. God I love summer!

Hi. My name is John. Nice to meet you.

This weekend I had the privilege of meeting one of my favorite bloggers; Catherinette. Let me tell you guys, she is the same away from her blog. I'm not just talking the quick witted comments or the "boozy suzy" part either. I'm talking the 14 yr old teenage girl trapped in a "older" body (I'm not gonna reveal her age). Want proof?

Scenario #1:
While at dinner with Catherinette and another blogger, Newmie, at Claddagh Pub in Baltimore, we somehow got on the conversation about CS's unhealthy fear of squirrels. Our waiter (who by the way was a barrel of laughs. And by barrel of laughs I mean he obviously had no interest in serving us) told us a story about an old man surrounded by the furry little devils "eating nuts" out of his hand. We then switch subjects and just as the waiter leaves, CS comes up with this gold nugget:

OK, I just have to back up to what the waiter said about eating nuts out of his hand and say..... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Scenario #2:
At same dinner, where I ordered a steak, I mention to the table. "Mmm this meat is good" and with out missing a beat I hear the infamous phrase: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

This continued for the entire time and I, being a guy, was laughing at every single one.

I'm thinking of a black cat..... And then Sebastian saved the squirrel.

Those close to me know that if I am having a conversation with someone late at night and I get to that where I am a second from falling asleep, I will start to speak nonsense. Such was the case on Saturday night.

After a day filled with a trip to an art museum, a nice little coffee shop near Federal Hill in Baltimore, a trip to Wegmans (my absolute favorite place to get food for any reason), and to a wine vineyard, I was just a little tired. During a conversation with some friends, my exhaustion started to over take me and then I uttered the phrase above.

I'm so glad that those there with me could get a laugh on my behalf.

Ok, why didn't you pack the freaking sunblock?!

While I had such a great time in Baltimore, my day in D.C. left me a little sore. And I'm talking sore in that I know look like a lobster. A freaking cooked lobster that is sitting on your plate, red as hell, ready to be eaten. For some reason, I keep forgetting that 3hrs in direct sun watching a baseball game, will make your skin a wonderfully red hue, and even more red when you forget to wear sunblock.

So for the past 2 days, I've been applying an ungodly amount of Aloe Vera to make the pain go away and keep from looking like a snake coming out of my skin a week from now. Now I feel like I'm all sweaty and sticky.

"That's what she said"

The Good, The Great, and the Hurting

I'm having fun Y'all!!

I know what some of you are thinking... JP?! What the hell?! Why do you always disappear on us? What are we not good enough for you anymore?

Well to be honest... No!

Kidding!!!! I KID!!

Honestly, it's because I am so busy and I don't have internet connection at home so it's only when I am work that I can update everyone. That being said... Time for an update.

The Good.
I'm having so much fun right now. From playing kickball and softball, to working my two jobs, to the warmer weather feeling oh so good. Life is GOOD. And of course buying and selling friends, and having Human Pets on Facebook is always entertaining. Plus I have all my friends that are a drunken text or dial away that always keep a smile on my face.

The Great.
It's looking like I have joined a pretty good softball team this year. We had our first game this past Friday night and let's just say this. Despite the score of the second game(we won both games 15-3 and 9-7), we kicked ass!! I play in a coed league, where you are only as strong as the girls on your team, and our girls are pretty good. PLUS, my kickball team finally won a game this week.

The Hurting.

1. Injury #1. As much fun as I have been having, I have been been using muscles that I have not used in a long time and so I am becoming increasingly sore. I think I may of even strained a muscle in my leg and it looks a little swollen. I'll play through the pain though cause I am pimp like that.
2. Injury #2. During the softball game, while sliding into second base, the peg holding the base came out of the ground and rubbed against my leg, leaving a nice long red trail of skin and blood. I'll live though. I only had to cut my leg off below the knee. One leg is always better than none.
3. Potential Hurting. I am also going to begin a workout program in the near future. I had to take a break during the fall and winter of last year because of my work schedule, but I have reduced that so I can get back in shape. And for those of you interested.... Yes I will be posting pictures.

So there you have. JP's update for the past week and a half. Expect more soon. It'll be a slack week at the office, and I'll probably have a drink or two during the week. Drunk text/dial recipients be ready.

I talked to you for how long?

The cell phone is a very dangerous thing when I have been drinking.....

Yeah you heard me... dangerous. Just ask the 10 people I called after 2 am on Saturday morning.

I remember talking to 2 of the people. I am hazy on everything else. When I called to apologize to everyone, one person told me that I talked to them for 25 minutes and that I was one funny bastard.

I even called a couple co-workers. Yeah... let's just say, the next day at work was just a little awkward.

So note to everyone that I talk to... either change your number or don't give me your phone number, or one of these days, sometime after the 2 o'clock hour on a Saturday or Sunday morning, you'll be getting a phone call from a very drunken JP.

Questions you may ask yourself.

And other useless information from the world of JP

Q: How do you entertain 3 drunk guys for at least half and hour?

A: Give them an oversized beach ball and send them to the yard. Trust me it will get loud in a matter of minutes.

Last night, after having a few drinks at a couple bars, it was time to go home. It had been a pretty uneventful night really. The first bar include a bull ride and at the second bar, a cherry bomb was served. Unfortunately, it seems everyone was recovering from Halloween, cause both establishments were almost completely empty.

The night would not pickup until we found an oversized beach ball just sitting in the middle of the road. We just had to have it, and pulled over for the object of our desires. This thing was huge I'm telling you. I literally was 4 times as wide as I was. We had to deflate it about a 1/4 of the way, just to get it in the car.

We got the ball back to the house, and before I know it... the three of us had started I'm gonna hit you with this thing in the mouth or tackle you free for all right there on the front lawn.

For the next 30 minutes it was like this. The ball flying. Recon Man tackling Mr. TG, and then Recon Man getting attacked by the ball after he gets up.

I ended up with a fat lip and a bruise on my leg. Don't know about the other guys.

Q: How do you tell if a guy is drunk or just acting crazy?

A: Go down the street at 25 MPH after finding a beachball on the side of road and stop suddenly. And see how he reacts after his head hits the windshield.

If things get serious... He was acting crazy. If he laughs... He's drunk. As was the case when Mr. TG head hit the windshield. Not only did he hit his head, there is evidence of it to this very moment in the form of a spiderweb of cracks. Yet after he hit it, he was laughing and offering to pay for it immediately after it happened.

I'm telling you, dude has a hard head.

It's Story time Boys and Girls

The Vacation 2007 Recap begins.

So here it is, my first day back at work, after long, well needed vacation, and you know what I am ready for... my NEXT vacation. Anyway, I promised you some stories from my vacation, and I am going to follow through with those promises. They will come over the next couple of posts...

The Life and Times of Tony the Tarantula.

After spending a couple of days enjoying the city life of California, it was time to head back to nature. So into the mountains of Santa Margarita to do some "roughing it". I get to my location and I am lucky to get the shaded campsite that is secluded. The are hills behind me and the road leading to the site, no other people around, and the bugs and mosquitoes seem to have taken some time off. Life is good. Until Thursday.

Tony was a young hairy beast. He probably measured to be about 5" in span with prickly black hair everywhere. He was also very adventurous.

That day, he decided to go on a leisurely walk. It just so happened, there was a tent in his territory he had never seen before. He determined he would check out this new development and welcome his new neighbor.

Unfortunately I do not like spiders. I'm not scared of them, but I have been known to kill my share of arachnids.

So as Tony starts coming my way, I decided I would try and protect my territory. I grabbed the newspaper I was going to use to start the fire, rolled it up and... hit the ground in front of him. (I'm not a savage people, well at least not at this point).

He stopped. And then he began walking again. I hit the ground again. He stopped and then started walking again.

Unfazed at this point, but still not wanting a eight-legged bunk mate for the evening, I needed another way to show him he was not welcome. So I grab the bug spray I had, my lighter and aimed it at him. Just then I heard Smokey the Bear say to me, "JP, now you know that 'Only You can prevent....' Holy S**t that thing is huge, torch the motha!"

So I took the can, lit the lighter and... sprayed in his direction, but not on him. I do have somewhat of a heart. I just wanted him to go away. But he didn't like that. Matter of fact I think I made him mad. I say this because instead of being the cute little creature he was before, he now only had 4 of his eight legs on the ground and the others were in what looked like attack mode.

OH S**T!!!

At this point, is when things got real. I had to stop playing. Obviously he quit playing too.

I didn't want to waste any more of my bug spray and I didn't want to waste my kindling, so I had to do something else. And then I saw it. 7 inches in diameter, 3 inches tall and shaped perfectly for my hand and perfectly for his head.

I think the rock was probably about 8lbs in weight to me, but to Tony, it could of been 2 tons. I don't know.

As I slowly crawl towards this boulder of death, Tony watched me. I could see my reflection in 6 of his eyes as he followed me with his gaze. Closer and closer I came to the object of my desire, the more he turned to keep me in front of him.

My fingers touched it, my palm grazed it, and I picked it up, and in one swift motion, I grabbed it, picked it up, rotated my arm and forcefully placed the rock back on the ground right on top of Tony. There was no screaming, no pleads for me to stop, no crunch. Just the sound of rock thumping on the ground.

I gave my adversary a proper funeral. Like the mighty Achilleus and Darth Vader, I burned him and said farewell to my friend my foe.

Rest in Peace Tony.

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Now playing on iTunes: Jason Mraz - Galaxy (Live)
via FoxyTunes

Karaoke: The American Idol Prerequisite

SCREECHING IN VA BEACH

Fox Broadcasting may not like what I am about to say, but I think it needs to be said.

GOING TO A KARAOKE BAR AND SINGING SHOULD BE A REQUIREMENT FOR ALL FUTURE AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANTS.

We've seen them all. The William Hung's, the girl imitating the Wizard of Oz lion, and even Sanjayah's made so famous by American Idol. People willing to go on national television and make complete fools of themselves to get their 15 minutes of fame. (Sanjayah's 15 were 14 minutes and 59 seconds too long). Some think they are talented and that Simon, Paula, and Randy are clueless when they don't get those Golden Willy Wonka Tickets to Hollywood.

If only they had a clue about what they really sounded like, they could save you, me, and the rest of the world, money on tylenol after listening to them.

With that being said... I have to confess, that I would be one of the first cut by that new karaoke rule.

I too was thinking about trying to enter the next American Idol popularity contest next year. That is until I found Poppa's Pub. Thanks to them for making me realize, that I was not a diamond in the rough hiding from the entertainment world.

P.S. Brad Arnold and Bob Segar.... I'm sorry to say that disgusting feeling you felt at 11:00 PM EST on June 24, 2007 was the your stomach turning knowing that somewhere in the world, I was destroying a great song.

Let's hope dreams don't come true

Hard Decisions...
During a point in everyones life they have to make decisions. Some easy, some difficult. Some are simple choices, like what to make for dinner or where to eat for lunch. Some take some thought. I can't remember the movie reference, but at one point, the question was asked; You are driving down the street and see your best friend, the woman of your dreams, and an eldery woman in need of medical assistance. What do you do?

Sunday night I had a dream along the lines of a having to make a distinction of who lives or dies. It still frightens me two days later.

It started with on a pleasant day with my favorite person, Imogen's mom, and her daughter. We were enjoying some fun times at the beach and laughing while a storm was rolling in. During our adventure we came apon a place where the sand and the boardwalk formed what looked like a deep bowl, almost like a sink hole. This hole was so deep that if someone were to be pushed into this pit, they would not be able to get out on their own.

Then the unthinkable happened.

As we were walking around the pit, a hard heavy wave knocked the three of us over. It felt as if the ocean waited til we were in the perfect position, and then sent it's version of a atom bomb to hurl us into a watery dungeon that nature had formed. And after the wave had subsided, I was forced into a precarious place where my judgment was needed.

As it turned out, after the wave had passes. I was safe still on the beach, but I was alone. I heard screaming and crying but could not see who was screaming.

I looked in the pit and there was Imogen's mom's daughter, struggling to keep swimming. But where was Imogen's mom? I looked around frantically and finally saw her. She had been captured by the sea, knocked unconsious and was being dragged out to the depths of the ocean. It was at this point, I had a choice to make. Save Imogen's mom, a person a care deeply about and don't know what I'd without this person and leave the daughter to her fate, or save the daughter and let Imogen's mom go, knowing that she would most definitely die.

Then I awoke in a cold sweat....

My Weekend at PB's

The adventures of JP
This past weekend was an semi eventful weekend. My original plans included the beach, going to work and being one lazy mofo. By Friday night, they were totally rearranged.

I ended up not doing a single one of those things. Instead I helped my friend set up his pool for the summer. I had no idea exactly how time consuming it would really be and the pain it would cause. By the time we were done cleaning, drying, setting the pool up for the water, getting new hoses and filling the damn thing, it was 10 at night and still couldn't even swim in the damn thing til the chlorine took effect. I even got a freaking sunburn cause i made the mistake of taking my shirt off. In the end it was all good cause there was plenty of beer to drink to forget, plus I'll also get the benefit of diving into that pool next week. (BTW, that is a picture of the type of pool, not the pool itself)

I will say one thing however... I will have to give it up to Imogen's Mom for putting hers up by herself (or so she claims). I was so tempted to drive over there and say something, but I didn't want to interrupt her party.

more about me
I told you that when I find out more about myself, I'd let you know so here we go...

I'm a diehard Cubs fan. Laugh if you want, but even in losing, I keep the hope alive.
I do take risks, but there is one I want to take that I just haven't yet. I dream about doing it all the time, but I'm not ready yet.
I'm still afraid to go back to church. It's been 7 months since I've been and the hurt from the last one I went to is still fresh.
I Love Papa John's Pizza.

My Freedom Began

I am free....
I've been dupped, manipulated and over controlled before, but did not know the extend of it until recently. For so long, I've thought that by just listening and trusting what someone else told me, that would be enough. Boy was I wrong. I was caught in a destructive cycle and I was losing my identity and losing my sense of self worth. When things were going wrong in my life, I let certain people tell me what to do and how to handle my situation. All that listening did was turn my faith in hearing in God for myself into faith of God talking to me through another person. And I didn't know it until now.

Not let me preface what I am going to say here before I tell how I realized what changed my life. We are given Apostle, Prophets, Pastors, Teachers, and Elders for a reason. They are to help us walk our walk with the Lord and possibly answer any questions that we have. They are to help protect us when there is possible danger, and to help us become stronger in the Lord. What the danger is, is when you give them too much control. When you start to rely on them to be your voice of the Lord or when every decision you make has to go through them.

I was in a situation that everything I did had to analyzed, submitted, and run through another person. If I wanted to take a vacation, I had to tell this person, when, where, and how long. Not only that, if what I wanted to do conflicted with their plans, I was very strongly encouraged to change my plans. If I didn't I would be labelled in rebellion and had to deal with the consequences. One such instance, I wanted to visit my former fiancee (we got married, so that is why I say former) for Christmas, not only was I told that I could not go, but I also got yelled at for kissing my future wife. I can understand this persons convictions about certain things, but from what I read in the bible, we are all to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. His conviction are his and mine are mine. End of story.