My Poor Baby!!!!

The July 4th weekend is usually filled with fun, friends, booze, and of course fireworks. But for some unlucky individuals it is also filled with car accidents, busted fenders, and curbside vomit. Such was the case for me this weekend.

It started of innocently enough. Dodgeball at 7pm, shower at 830, and then off to party at 930.

Then all of a sudden, the laughter and fun changed changed as at around 5 in the morning, I started sneezing. I'll let the following pictures give you an idea of what happened next....


Luckily for me and the other party involved, no one was hurt. Hell even when the police officer showed up, he didn't have a real reason to file a report (that or he was just really lazy and didn't feel like dealing with it).

*UPDATE* I'm so glad I have full coverage on my car. The total amount of work that is going to be done is going to cost $2100 (I have a $500 dollar deductible).

"Hi How are You?" "I love You!" "Is there something you have to ask me?"

"I see that you have an anger problem", " You need to get yourself to a hospital soon or you are going to die in 3 days"

This is the type of bullshit I was getting for the past 3 weeks.

Somehow someway, "Chloe" the psycho psychic got my phone number and felt a need to call me. This started about 2 weeks ago, obviously I didn't die.

While I usually laugh at these type of encounters and pay them no mind. This one became a problem. As each day went by, the phone calls became more and more frequent. It started with one phone call a day, then to two and gradually til it reached the point that between the hours of 8am and 3 pm, I would get somewhere between 10 and 20 calls a day.

One day, I got tired of it and called my cell phone company to see if I could find out who it was and somehow press charges against them. While I was on the phone, they called me 7 times in the matter of 5 minutes. Unfortunately they had blocked the number so there was no way that they could find out who it was.

So to combat the nonsense and to keep from getting the ridiculous phone calls and having to press ignore every time, I changed my number.

Now I have to call everyone to let them know I changed my number. Well except for the credit card companies and bill collectors....

I talked to you for how long?

The cell phone is a very dangerous thing when I have been drinking.....

Yeah you heard me... dangerous. Just ask the 10 people I called after 2 am on Saturday morning.

I remember talking to 2 of the people. I am hazy on everything else. When I called to apologize to everyone, one person told me that I talked to them for 25 minutes and that I was one funny bastard.

I even called a couple co-workers. Yeah... let's just say, the next day at work was just a little awkward.

So note to everyone that I talk to... either change your number or don't give me your phone number, or one of these days, sometime after the 2 o'clock hour on a Saturday or Sunday morning, you'll be getting a phone call from a very drunken JP.

Snoop Dogg?! NO!!!!!!

Seriously?



Please tell me I am not the only one disturbed by this.

And please please tell me that I am not the only one that can't get this song out of my head.

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Listening to: Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction (Edited)
via FoxyTunes

HA!! *UPDATE*

Well I guess I better stop blogging and go cry in a corner. Pfft!!

You know I absolutely love it when people feel the need to just come out and tell you what they think. Especially when you really didn't ask or care for their opinion.

Whenever I post here, I make an effort to add a link to my myspace so some of my friends can take a glance at what I write. It gives them a chance to look see what I am doing and the things I go through. (I know I could do that in myspace, but it's so much easier here).

Yesterday was no different, when I put the link up for my EVERYBODY STOP post. This morning I got a myspace message concerning that post:

"ur blogs suck"

Really? Wow. I guess I better stop blogging and go cry in a corner now. Thank you so much for this very constructive criticism. I promise I will do better just to make sure you are happy. Would you like to proof read all of my blogs to make sure they don't suck anymore? Would you please oh please oh blog master show me how it's done? Oh wait you don't write anything you fat tub o lard. You apparently like to just sit back and critique things that you read.

I'm so glad I really don't care what anyone thinks about anything I do. Cause you know, that statement would of really hurt if I really gave a shit.

If anyone else who reads my blog really feels that way, I have a small suggestion for you, STOP READING! And if you feel like commenting on my writing abilities, please feel free to do so. Just know, that I will respond and tell you how much I care.

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Listening to: 3 Doors Down - Live for Today
via FoxyTunes

*UPDATE*

Ok so I have to make a retraction now. Apparently when I read my friends comment about my blog, I must of be so tired I couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

Here is the subsuquent exchange of messages:

From: (insert name here)
Date: Jan 16, 2008 9:30 PM

lol was a joke.. and i knew id get something back with a negative comment.. when i gave you a positive comment on the last blog you never comented back.. just thought id see what id get with the negative...and i was right.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: The Infamous JP:
Date: Jan 16, 2008 4:28 AM


can't make everyone happy now can I?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: (insert name here)
Date: Jan 15, 2008 9:30 PM


ur blogs suck

Someone feels like a D-bag. Guess who that is.
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Listening to: Black Eyed Peas - Anxiety
via FoxyTunes

Busted!!

Note to self: Don't accidentally leave a link to your blog on your work computer.

I was busted today!

No it was not for something illegal.
I did not cheat on someone (have to be involved to do that).
I was not looking at porn at work.

This morning, while my boss was giving me some work to, he asked me a question.

"JP, Why do you have to have a second job? Don't we pay you enough?"

I turned a noticeable shade of red, as I had now been outed. Instead of lying about or asking how he knew, I just told, him

"That's my fun money. I don't want to waste my hard earned money on the fun things I do. Besides, I only work 4 hours a pop and it's only on the weekends"

Then he surprised me even more when he said.

"And I understand your California trip didn't go as smoothly as you wanted it to. So did you at least get the number to the guy from the car rental place"

He found my blog everyone. Apparently I had somehow left a link to it on my computer and someone found it.

I am so busted!!!

Last week I told Karma that she can stick it and guess what?

She took out on me!

Often in my life, I get really bold and think that I am on top of the world. Early last week, I had the wonderful feeling and that I had the balls to say FU to the world. After reading a blog, I made a comment that I was going to tell Karma to suck it in response to what they wrote. Instead of thinking with my head and being humble, I made a dumb comment and it came back to bite me. HARD!!

During my week at work I decided to make a judgement call on a project that was due out on Thursday. Unfortunately the judgement call was the wrong one and it cost my company a client (actually it was something that was building for a while, and my mistake was the last straw). I'm not talking a small client either, I'm talking a multi-million dollar client, that if we were to get the job done correctly, would of possibly lead to more contracts in the future.

Needless to say, the following morning, my bosses was NOT pleased with me whatsoever. I was honestly shocked that I was not told to pack my belongings and leave the office at that point.

After some heads had cooled and everyone looked at the bigger picture, it was determined that my mistake, while costly, was not a tremendous blow to the company. I would definitely need to make better decisions in the future and to also pay closer attention to the fine details. Trust me for the rest of the day, I made sure to dot my i's, cross my t's, and wipe every part of my ass. I was not missing anything.

That was just the start of the day.

Most of you also know that also have a secondary job as a pizza delivery driver. I call myself the Pizza Delivery Hero and am usually one of the them most praised drivers at the store. Karma really was going to make my day hell, and she decided to send me to the bottom of the heap. For the first time since I have worked there, I made a mistake. Not just one mistake, I ended up making a total of 4.

The first mistake was taking the wrong pizza on a delivery. That is the cardinal sin of the business, and I heard about it big time when I got back. Two times I was late, and the on one order, I forgot a final part of the order and had to come back to get it.

By the time 8pm rolled around, I felt thissmall and seriously needed a drink or two or seven. I opted for seven. I took 2 shot of Petron, 3 shots of Van Gogh vodka, and I 2 large glasses of Blue Moon. All on an empty stomach. So you can imagine I felt pretty crappy by the time my night was over.

So Karma I would like to say.... SUCK THIS. I'm still here Bitch!!

I just hope there is plenty of Petron the next time she attacks.

P.S. for those of you that are wondering.

1. I did not drink while I was on the job. I drive for crying out loud. I'm stupid sometimes, but not that stupid.
2. I did not drive home drunk either. I waited a couple of hours before walking to the parking lot and a friend walked to the car to determine if I was sober enough to drive. (I gave him my keys beforehand just in case)
   

Crash, Bang, Dead!

I dropped my phone!!!! and the glass on the screen shattered.


Thank God for insurance!!
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Now playing on iTunes: Daughtry - Feels Like Tonight
via FoxyTunes

So that's the real you....

And you couldn't tell me this before I booked my plane ticket?!?!?!

Ok, so it's official. Part of my vacation is "ruined". Not that I didn't sort of expect it, but still I'm a little peeved.

Let me explain. As everyone knows I have been planning my California vacation for quite some time. 3 months to be exact. It is going to be fun and relaxing at the same time. I was going to see family I haven't seen in 20 years and some friends as well. I was even going to meet some new ones that I had met via Myspace. And from the get go, I had been very open with what my plans were. I mean, I friggin wrote a blog about it for the world to see for crying out loud.

Well anyway, last night I received a sort of bombshell.

The friend I was going to hang with in San Luis Obispo, has turned out to be a fake. Complete from head to toe. The person I was going to see was supposed to be a single, 25 yr old female with a kid (which didn't bother me). She even told me AS I WAS PLANNING MY VACATION that she couldn't wait to see me.

So she calls me last night, and begins to tell me (in not so many words) "Hey JP I'm a fraud. Everything I told you was a lie. I am a sad person that has to make up a story about who I am because I have no life, I am unhappy, and I need some serious help." DAMN right you do!

So it turns out, that while she is 25, she has 2 kids, doesn't live anywhere near where she said she did, and more importantly is not single.

Oh well, it's a damn good thing I didn't have too much invested in her and that I wasn't going to just see her. Now I need to just find things to do fill those days that were going to be spent with her.

Damnit! Why couldn't Imogen's Mom come with me?!
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Now playing on iTunes: Linkin Park - Bleed It Out
via FoxyTunes

And the Worst Person in the World Award goes to...

JOSE OFFERMAN
Here is a real reason for permanent banishment from baseball.

So many people have been up in arms about steroids in sports. They are illegal, yes, and I am no way condoning the use of them in any sport. But what I think is worse than injecting something to bulk you up into your body is using a solid peace of equipment against someone that is defenseless.

Up until yesterday, I never thought it would ever be a problem.

Thank you Jose Offerman for turning yourself into a formerly respected Major League Baseball player to a villain. Thank you for being another sports figured turned to soon to be felon. I hope you get all that you deserve for what you did, and I am not a judgmental, vengeful person.

I hope that the next diamond you see, are the ones you are selling to pay off the civil lawsuit you are facing. I hope you realize that you should NEVER EVER participate in another baseball, softball, or any organized sport again.

What kind of man takes a bat to someone. Yes you got hit by a pitch, but that is part of the game. Ball players expect it from time to time. But NO ONE ever expects to see a player coming at them with a bat, much less getting that bat swung at them.



Good Bye Jose, it was nice knowing you. Good riddance.

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Now playing on iTunes: Nickelback - Next Contestant
via FoxyTunes

Somebody PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!! *UPDATE*

I can't get this song out of my head and I'm getting sick.

Yesterday while going through my list of blogs at work, I fell prey to one of the most disturbing songs I have ever heard. But unlike the normally sane person I am, I kept listening to it and now. I CAN'T GET THAT SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

Nothing is working. Not even my favorite song, not even singing to myself 867-5309 (which almost always works when I am trying to get a song of my head). Every time I try, I'll get it out of my head for a second, then someone will ask my what I am doing and then it starts all over again.

Can someone please please help me get rid of this torture.

On a Brighter note...

I joined a adult kickball league today. Well as the person that told me about it tells me it's actually a drinking league that plays kickball. I'm looking forward to that. Maybe they can help me stop thinking about "What What" ahh NO I just did it to myself!!!!

*UPDATE*
I've been cured. Yesterday after reading my blog, someone suggested a song that completely made me forget the "What What" song. Their suggestion was kind of like REHAB for me. And yes that was a pun....

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Now playing on iTunes: 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite (iTunes Originals Version)
via FoxyTunes