White Trash Award of the Week

This one is an honorary award really, but I think she also deserves it.

This weeks winner is not a normal entry. She has done nothing really crazy to win the award. She hasn't slept with every guy in her trailer park (at least not that I know of). She hasn't let her children stain her furniture with poop (read 8 "paragraph's down). She hasn't had a drugged-drunken episode where she's had sex in the lawn i.e. Christina Ricci in Black Snake Moan. Hell she didn't throw herself at me when I stayed on her comfortable couch when I was on vacation in August.

So why does she deserve the award you ask?

It was for one simple reason.... She used the word "RAD" twice in one week. I have not heard that word since my middle school days (and that was a long time ago). I didn't think anyone used it, but apparently she is still stuck in the late 80's on this one.

So, TABBIE, aka The Ambiguous Blob, aka (insert real name here), you are this week's White Trash Award Winner. Cherish it, love it, take care of it, and don't take it for granted. I know how much you really wanted it.

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Now playing: Wisin & Yandel & John Correa - Como Tu No Hay Nadie
via FoxyTunes

Are You in a Gang?

Why, Yes! Yes I am! A Chinese gang! A Chinese gang for white boys with Chinese tattoos!

I should of expected these types of questions when I decided to finally make the tattoo jump. I just didn't think anyone would be actually stupid enough to ask that question. Guess I was wrong.

They say there are no stupid questions, but seriously, do I even look Chinese?

I'm telling you, our youth are going to be doomed by their lack of common sense.

NEXT Ink!

My NEXT tattoo!

Inked!!

My FIRST tattoo!

Happy Thanksgiving

To all my family, friends, and blogger friends, I want to wish each and everyone of you a Happy Thanksgiving.

Every 4th Thursday of November, we all gather around a table full of food, family, and even friends. Every year, we are thankful for the ones we are with and the people that got us there.

The other day, I had a reminiscing moment, and as I write this bulletin, I feel that feeling again. Not of the air, and the sights and feelings of a day, but what I have to be thankful of. This time, I look back at the people and events that have gotten me through this year. In what started out as a hard year, has turned into one that has to have been the best year of my life. I have met new people, gone to new places and learned things that I might have never known.

So to those that have been there to help me. I give thanks for you.
To those that I have met and become a part of my life. I am thankful for you.
And to my family; We may not be the richest family. We may not be the smartest family. Hell we may not be the most functional family, but we are family nonetheless. In thick and thin, we have stuck together and grown. And I am thankful for you too.

Finally, but most importantly, MY JESUS. I may not be the most faithful of your children, but every day you allow me to wake and breath and have the opportunity to write these messages on the world wide web for all to see. There are no words to really express just how thankful I really am for what you have done for me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

A return of the White Trash Award of the Week

Plus a kickball update too...This time they are actually mashed together in one big um mashed up ball.

First the kickball update.

As many of you know, my kickball team made it into the playoffs and had our first tournament game Wednesday night. While we did make some good plays in the field, we also let our heads get out of the game a little and ended up losing 4-2.

It was a really good season and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I plan on playing again in the spring.

But onto to what everyone wants to hear about....

MISS WHITE TRASH OF THE WEEK!!

In our last inning with a chance to get closer in the game, AG (a female on the team) came up to kick. There was a runner on base and she was determined to score him. On the 3rd or 4th pitch, she kicked a foul ball that was awfully close to being called a double kick, but was not (a double kick is when you kick the ball and it bounces in a way that it hits you before it travels very far). Obviously the team on the other side wanted the call and started yelling about it. One of their players had been called out on a double kick earlier in the game and decide she would say something. Her words were along the lines of:

"That's a double kick. How can you call me out and not call her out. Hell I'm prettier than her she is, she should be out."

Effing Bitch. I'm surprised AG didn't attack the girl right there. She was definitely pissed about it that is for sure. I think it took everything in her to not pull the girls obviously bleached hair from the roots.

You Miss Bleach Blonde bitch are this week's WHITE TRASH OF THE WEEK.

WAAAAAH WAAAAAH!!!!

So, um Rachel, um DJ knows Ben...?

Last night, I went on a ice cream "date" with one of my old friends from church. We chit-chatted about life, love, and hurts for a little bit. Wasn't very long and it was just meant to be two friends hanging out.

After enjoying the ice cream and getting back to the house, we are talking in the front yard and pretty much saying our goodbyes when one of my next door neighbors walks out of her house and heads to her car. Normally this would be not be unusual and not very blog worthy, except for one thing.

Close your eyes with me and imagine a cute little cat, about a year old meowing gently. You hear it? Good. Ok now imagine taking your loving hand, gently wrapping your hand around that cats throat and squeezing. Are those meows getting louder? Are they getting longer? They are?! Great because as you are imagining that sound, you are hearing exactly what was coming out of that womans mouth. The sound of a cat being strangled as she is walking down the driveway to her car crying.

And what's even more unfortunate, is that my friend and I could not contain ourselves, and started laughing.... Until the cops came...

Just win and we are in

Did we do it?

I know it's been a while since I last blogged about kickball, so let me give you a synopsis of what has happened since the last time: We lost 8-0 in a rain soaked game, ending our winning streak. And on Halloween, we got the night off.


Last night was it. The last regular season kickball game this year. From here on out it's basically a one and done scenario. You lose on game, and you are done.

So here we are, before last night at 5 wins-4 losses and in tenth place. Only the top 12 are in automatically and 13-20 have to fight for the last 4 spots in the ending tournament. So if we win we are in at no less than 10th place. Maybe higher depending on what the teams above us did.

So how did we do?

Well, for about 10 minutes we were thinking that we were going to win by forfeit again (nobody on their team was there), when finally they trickled in and had enough for a team.

We would not be deterred though, so for the next two innings we kicked the ball around, ran like crazy and had 13 runs. They on the other hand, were short staffed and only ended up with 1 run. With a mercy rule of 12 in affect, their third out of the 2nd inning turned out to be their last and we walked away winners.

But the winning did not stop there.

Right before the game, we were presented with an award: FLIP CUP WARRIORS 2007.

That's right ladies and gentlemen (all 12 of you readers I have out there), we won twice last night.

Now lets hope some of the teams above us lost so we can move up in the standings.

(notice the crushed cooler in the middle?)

**UPDATE**
They posted the final standings for the regular season this afternoon. Yesterday we were 10th, today we are... wait for it wait for it.... 9th. YES!!!! We moved up one hole spot. and that actually may help in the long run. We just may play someone close to our talent range and go long in the playoffs... WE WILL SEE

Until then, tonight we shall party like the 5th Graders moving up to the 6th grade!!

I was reminiscing today.

And I just sat and remembered.

Something today triggered some memories of the past this morning, and I hit that reminiscing mode again. As I get older, it seems easier to look back at my life and think about years past.

Today I was brought back to a very calm and relaxing day in my life. The memory was as vivid as if it happened yesterday. I could almost smell the air and hear the sounds of that day. Every year about this time of year, that day comes back to me. It doesn't haunt me or make me wish I could go back and change things like some memories do. I don't want to re-live that day or go back and be in that place or time again. I have grown and changed since then so it would be fruitless and useless.

So what is so important about that day? It was nothing spectacular. Not even exciting. Nobody I know died or was born on that day. I didn't meet someone knew, or tell someone I loved them. I wasn't someones hero, nor did I need to be rescued. It wasn't even a newsworthy day. But, for some reason that day seemed like a turning point in my life, and I don't know why.


So today I will cherish the memory. Soak up the smell and feeling of it. I will close my eyes and return to the day. Take in the vision of the air, the trees, and the ground around me. I will own this day like no other, and nothing and no one can take it away from me.

I thank God for that day.

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - Absolutely Zero
via FoxyTunes

Questions you may ask yourself.

And other useless information from the world of JP

Q: How do you entertain 3 drunk guys for at least half and hour?

A: Give them an oversized beach ball and send them to the yard. Trust me it will get loud in a matter of minutes.

Last night, after having a few drinks at a couple bars, it was time to go home. It had been a pretty uneventful night really. The first bar include a bull ride and at the second bar, a cherry bomb was served. Unfortunately, it seems everyone was recovering from Halloween, cause both establishments were almost completely empty.

The night would not pickup until we found an oversized beach ball just sitting in the middle of the road. We just had to have it, and pulled over for the object of our desires. This thing was huge I'm telling you. I literally was 4 times as wide as I was. We had to deflate it about a 1/4 of the way, just to get it in the car.

We got the ball back to the house, and before I know it... the three of us had started I'm gonna hit you with this thing in the mouth or tackle you free for all right there on the front lawn.

For the next 30 minutes it was like this. The ball flying. Recon Man tackling Mr. TG, and then Recon Man getting attacked by the ball after he gets up.

I ended up with a fat lip and a bruise on my leg. Don't know about the other guys.

Q: How do you tell if a guy is drunk or just acting crazy?

A: Go down the street at 25 MPH after finding a beachball on the side of road and stop suddenly. And see how he reacts after his head hits the windshield.

If things get serious... He was acting crazy. If he laughs... He's drunk. As was the case when Mr. TG head hit the windshield. Not only did he hit his head, there is evidence of it to this very moment in the form of a spiderweb of cracks. Yet after he hit it, he was laughing and offering to pay for it immediately after it happened.

I'm telling you, dude has a hard head.

NACHO!!!!

I am Nacho Libre!!!

I needed to fix my mustache a couple of times.

Say hello to my next victim

She just had to have more

I'm dead sexy. You know you want some

*A special thanks to Imogen's Mom and her daughter for taking the pictures for me and helping me keep my wig in place for a couple of hours

The costume party was pretty lame last night, but I still had fun. Of the 20 people on our kickball team, only myself and 3 others showed up, plus a couple of close friends of the hostess. I will say, I do like the house rule that when someone walked in the door, everyone has to take a jello shooter. How I ended up taking 8 of them I don't know, but I'm not going to complain.

Things picked up a little bit when we all went to the club and started dancing and punching the shit out of my pillow protected stomach. EA apparently has some unresolved issues with overweight men. Every time she came by me, she just had to kick and punch me right in the gut. That or her little Pippy Longstocking outfit made her unusually aggressive. Or maybe she was mad cause she had only 3 of the jello shooters.