I hope she gets a twitch....

and takes a bite....

The other day, I went out with a female friend of mine that I had known since my senior in high school. When Recon Man asked what I was up to. Here is the exchange that followed:

Me: I'm heading out with OHSF (Old High School Friend for the anagram challenged)
RM: You @#$% her yet.
Me: No, I told you before. We are friends, that is it, that is all it'll ever be.
RM: You need to get on that.
Me: No we are friends.
RM: When's the last time you got some?
Me: ___ ago.
RM: How much did she cost you?
Me: @#$% You!!
RM: HAHA
Me: I hope you get none tonight!
RM: HAHA
Me: I hope she is on her period tonight!
RM: She is, but I'll still some if you know what I mean.
Me: @#$% You!!
RM: HAHA
Me: I hope she gets a twitch and take a bite out of your @#$%!

Asshole!!! HAHA!!!

I like to make sure it's tight when I put it in

It'll loosen up as you work it.

I won't stick it in, unless I bag it first.

He was just hammering away.

Those were just a couple of the many things we said as we were taking down Recon Man's tent the other day. It's amazing how some phrases can be taken in the wrong way.....

You didn't think we were talking about sex were you?

I'm f****d. I have the wrong set of keys and I can't get in the house.

"You're not going to freeze in the cold like those Mexicans"

I have a habit of doing stupid things without thinking sometimes, or paying attention for that matter. I've been known to come to work with my zipper down on many occasions. Last night was no different.

The Virginia Tech vs. Kansas game was on my schedule last night, and I just couldn't watch that at home. I had to be around a bunch of other Hokies when they won, so I opted to go to a sports bar instead.

On my way out the door, I grabbed my keys to my car, got in and headed out anxious drink and eat Virginia Tech to a victory. I invited some of my friends to join me, but only The Fencing Dancer showed up (despite her declaration before hand that she was rooting for Kansas).

Unfortunately, 2 things happen during the course of the night that made it eventful.

1. Virginia Tech lost. (not the end of the world I know, but I really wanted to gloat because Virginia lost also a couple of days before).

2. I grabbed the wrong set of keys and had no way to get in the house after I got home. I searched my car furiously for them, thinking that maybe I had brought them with me. I never found them and tried to call my roommate to let me in. Apparently he crashed and didn't hear the phone ring, the doorbell or the pounding of my fist against the door.

If it wasn't for The Fencing Dancer's hospitality and insistence that I was not going "sleep in the cold and die like those Mexicans", I would of slept in the car with the 2 jackets and blanket I had in the car for emergencies. Thank You!!!

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Listening to: 50 Cent - Fire (feat. Nicole Scherzinger & Young Buck)
via FoxyTunes

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Listening to: Jason Mraz - Welcome to Saratoga: Older Lover Undercover (Live from Montalvo)
via FoxyTunes

Questions you may ask yourself.

And other useless information from the world of JP

Q: How do you entertain 3 drunk guys for at least half and hour?

A: Give them an oversized beach ball and send them to the yard. Trust me it will get loud in a matter of minutes.

Last night, after having a few drinks at a couple bars, it was time to go home. It had been a pretty uneventful night really. The first bar include a bull ride and at the second bar, a cherry bomb was served. Unfortunately, it seems everyone was recovering from Halloween, cause both establishments were almost completely empty.

The night would not pickup until we found an oversized beach ball just sitting in the middle of the road. We just had to have it, and pulled over for the object of our desires. This thing was huge I'm telling you. I literally was 4 times as wide as I was. We had to deflate it about a 1/4 of the way, just to get it in the car.

We got the ball back to the house, and before I know it... the three of us had started I'm gonna hit you with this thing in the mouth or tackle you free for all right there on the front lawn.

For the next 30 minutes it was like this. The ball flying. Recon Man tackling Mr. TG, and then Recon Man getting attacked by the ball after he gets up.

I ended up with a fat lip and a bruise on my leg. Don't know about the other guys.

Q: How do you tell if a guy is drunk or just acting crazy?

A: Go down the street at 25 MPH after finding a beachball on the side of road and stop suddenly. And see how he reacts after his head hits the windshield.

If things get serious... He was acting crazy. If he laughs... He's drunk. As was the case when Mr. TG head hit the windshield. Not only did he hit his head, there is evidence of it to this very moment in the form of a spiderweb of cracks. Yet after he hit it, he was laughing and offering to pay for it immediately after it happened.

I'm telling you, dude has a hard head.

More WTF?!

I'm glad I meet your approval... That was sarcasm in case you didn't know.

Last night I went out with my boys Recon Man and Mr. TG to Cafe when the unthinkable happens, my ex walks right next to us and says "O Hi guys".

Talk about awkward!!! I'm talking, pit in the stomach now feeling like I have 30 lbs of something in there awkward. That feeling didn't last long when I was whisked right past her, VIP status and walked right in while she had to pay whatever cover charge there is. What was even better, was seeing from the corner of my eye, her paying $6 for whatever drink she was having, while I could of just told them what I wanted and have it delivered to me at no charge. (I was the DD last night, so I didn't).

The rest of the night there was minimal interaction. I did say hi and wave, but not much else.

Then without warning or even provocation, I get a text from her.

"You look good. I'm proud of you"

WTF?!?! You're proud of me?! Back the f*ck up!! At what point in our lives, did I start seeking the approval of her? My dad told me he was proud of me once. That meant something. But to tell me that I look good and you are proud of me, indicates that this person thinks that I became this guy: