Sun, Fun, and Nearly Asleep Sayings

Memorial Day weekends is the unofficial kickoff of the summer season. It's usually when the average person starts having weekend Bar-B-Q's outside and the official start of the warm weather tourists season. Most people travel to see loved ones and friends. Some stay home and have a cookout or visit the beach, the lake or some other place where you can find relaxation. And for some it's that time of year when they forget to wear the sunblock and turn into a human radish and hate anyone that tries to even think about touching them.

For me I had a little bit of everything. From traveling to see some friends, a trip to the beach, and then a search for any type of aloe lotion that will lie to you and tell you it will heal your sunburn almost instantly. God I love summer!

Hi. My name is John. Nice to meet you.

This weekend I had the privilege of meeting one of my favorite bloggers; Catherinette. Let me tell you guys, she is the same away from her blog. I'm not just talking the quick witted comments or the "boozy suzy" part either. I'm talking the 14 yr old teenage girl trapped in a "older" body (I'm not gonna reveal her age). Want proof?

Scenario #1:
While at dinner with Catherinette and another blogger, Newmie, at Claddagh Pub in Baltimore, we somehow got on the conversation about CS's unhealthy fear of squirrels. Our waiter (who by the way was a barrel of laughs. And by barrel of laughs I mean he obviously had no interest in serving us) told us a story about an old man surrounded by the furry little devils "eating nuts" out of his hand. We then switch subjects and just as the waiter leaves, CS comes up with this gold nugget:

OK, I just have to back up to what the waiter said about eating nuts out of his hand and say..... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Scenario #2:
At same dinner, where I ordered a steak, I mention to the table. "Mmm this meat is good" and with out missing a beat I hear the infamous phrase: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

This continued for the entire time and I, being a guy, was laughing at every single one.

I'm thinking of a black cat..... And then Sebastian saved the squirrel.

Those close to me know that if I am having a conversation with someone late at night and I get to that where I am a second from falling asleep, I will start to speak nonsense. Such was the case on Saturday night.

After a day filled with a trip to an art museum, a nice little coffee shop near Federal Hill in Baltimore, a trip to Wegmans (my absolute favorite place to get food for any reason), and to a wine vineyard, I was just a little tired. During a conversation with some friends, my exhaustion started to over take me and then I uttered the phrase above.

I'm so glad that those there with me could get a laugh on my behalf.

Ok, why didn't you pack the freaking sunblock?!

While I had such a great time in Baltimore, my day in D.C. left me a little sore. And I'm talking sore in that I know look like a lobster. A freaking cooked lobster that is sitting on your plate, red as hell, ready to be eaten. For some reason, I keep forgetting that 3hrs in direct sun watching a baseball game, will make your skin a wonderfully red hue, and even more red when you forget to wear sunblock.

So for the past 2 days, I've been applying an ungodly amount of Aloe Vera to make the pain go away and keep from looking like a snake coming out of my skin a week from now. Now I feel like I'm all sweaty and sticky.

"That's what she said"

I'm looking... *UPDATE*

At something that looks really good. So good that I want some. I want it really really bad. Matter of fact I think I will go get some.

If you know me... you know what is.

Let's see how well you do know me.

WELL.... Since I've given everyone some time to stew on this... I guess I should answer the question.

I am looking at... a... piece... of... GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE!

Unfortunately it was really nasty and I couldn't finish it....

I thought I've had bad days.

Taken from something I read on Facebook...

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy...

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a "worst job experience"
contest. Needless to say, she won.

"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." And whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: is this a "jellyfish bad" day?"

Ok that really hurts.

I'm not kidding either.

This weekend I tweaked something in my knee and I'm in serious pain right now. I can't walk, stand, or get out of a chair without cringing from the feeling that I have. I almost dropped a pizza right on a customer as I was delivering it to them. I told them I slipped and they believed me.

I feel as if someone is stabbing my knee from behind and keeps doing it in hopes I will fall to the ground crying. But.... They will not win. This is not the first time that I have had this happen and it probably won't be the last, but I will make it. It usually comes and goes and right now I'm waiting for it to go.

Is it just me...

or is Rumplemintz like Extacy in liquid form?

I think it is.

----------------
Now playing: Jason Mraz - Good Orderly Direction
via FoxyTunes

I know what I am watching this summer.

I don't care if he is into scientology now. As long as he doesn't become like Tom Cruise I am totally watching his movies.

The Good, The Great, and the Hurting

I'm having fun Y'all!!

I know what some of you are thinking... JP?! What the hell?! Why do you always disappear on us? What are we not good enough for you anymore?

Well to be honest... No!

Kidding!!!! I KID!!

Honestly, it's because I am so busy and I don't have internet connection at home so it's only when I am work that I can update everyone. That being said... Time for an update.

The Good.
I'm having so much fun right now. From playing kickball and softball, to working my two jobs, to the warmer weather feeling oh so good. Life is GOOD. And of course buying and selling friends, and having Human Pets on Facebook is always entertaining. Plus I have all my friends that are a drunken text or dial away that always keep a smile on my face.

The Great.
It's looking like I have joined a pretty good softball team this year. We had our first game this past Friday night and let's just say this. Despite the score of the second game(we won both games 15-3 and 9-7), we kicked ass!! I play in a coed league, where you are only as strong as the girls on your team, and our girls are pretty good. PLUS, my kickball team finally won a game this week.

The Hurting.

1. Injury #1. As much fun as I have been having, I have been been using muscles that I have not used in a long time and so I am becoming increasingly sore. I think I may of even strained a muscle in my leg and it looks a little swollen. I'll play through the pain though cause I am pimp like that.
2. Injury #2. During the softball game, while sliding into second base, the peg holding the base came out of the ground and rubbed against my leg, leaving a nice long red trail of skin and blood. I'll live though. I only had to cut my leg off below the knee. One leg is always better than none.
3. Potential Hurting. I am also going to begin a workout program in the near future. I had to take a break during the fall and winter of last year because of my work schedule, but I have reduced that so I can get back in shape. And for those of you interested.... Yes I will be posting pictures.

So there you have. JP's update for the past week and a half. Expect more soon. It'll be a slack week at the office, and I'll probably have a drink or two during the week. Drunk text/dial recipients be ready.