It's Story time Boys and Girls

The Vacation 2007 Recap begins.

So here it is, my first day back at work, after long, well needed vacation, and you know what I am ready for... my NEXT vacation. Anyway, I promised you some stories from my vacation, and I am going to follow through with those promises. They will come over the next couple of posts...

The Life and Times of Tony the Tarantula.

After spending a couple of days enjoying the city life of California, it was time to head back to nature. So into the mountains of Santa Margarita to do some "roughing it". I get to my location and I am lucky to get the shaded campsite that is secluded. The are hills behind me and the road leading to the site, no other people around, and the bugs and mosquitoes seem to have taken some time off. Life is good. Until Thursday.

Tony was a young hairy beast. He probably measured to be about 5" in span with prickly black hair everywhere. He was also very adventurous.

That day, he decided to go on a leisurely walk. It just so happened, there was a tent in his territory he had never seen before. He determined he would check out this new development and welcome his new neighbor.

Unfortunately I do not like spiders. I'm not scared of them, but I have been known to kill my share of arachnids.

So as Tony starts coming my way, I decided I would try and protect my territory. I grabbed the newspaper I was going to use to start the fire, rolled it up and... hit the ground in front of him. (I'm not a savage people, well at least not at this point).

He stopped. And then he began walking again. I hit the ground again. He stopped and then started walking again.

Unfazed at this point, but still not wanting a eight-legged bunk mate for the evening, I needed another way to show him he was not welcome. So I grab the bug spray I had, my lighter and aimed it at him. Just then I heard Smokey the Bear say to me, "JP, now you know that 'Only You can prevent....' Holy S**t that thing is huge, torch the motha!"

So I took the can, lit the lighter and... sprayed in his direction, but not on him. I do have somewhat of a heart. I just wanted him to go away. But he didn't like that. Matter of fact I think I made him mad. I say this because instead of being the cute little creature he was before, he now only had 4 of his eight legs on the ground and the others were in what looked like attack mode.

OH S**T!!!

At this point, is when things got real. I had to stop playing. Obviously he quit playing too.

I didn't want to waste any more of my bug spray and I didn't want to waste my kindling, so I had to do something else. And then I saw it. 7 inches in diameter, 3 inches tall and shaped perfectly for my hand and perfectly for his head.

I think the rock was probably about 8lbs in weight to me, but to Tony, it could of been 2 tons. I don't know.

As I slowly crawl towards this boulder of death, Tony watched me. I could see my reflection in 6 of his eyes as he followed me with his gaze. Closer and closer I came to the object of my desire, the more he turned to keep me in front of him.

My fingers touched it, my palm grazed it, and I picked it up, and in one swift motion, I grabbed it, picked it up, rotated my arm and forcefully placed the rock back on the ground right on top of Tony. There was no screaming, no pleads for me to stop, no crunch. Just the sound of rock thumping on the ground.

I gave my adversary a proper funeral. Like the mighty Achilleus and Darth Vader, I burned him and said farewell to my friend my foe.

Rest in Peace Tony.

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