The Chronicle Begins

I don't know why I am here or what I really want to say, but I decided to begin writing so I can have my own personal "journal" that people can read. I guess it's a way to let people into my world just a little bit. Maybe even a way for my to put my thoughts down on what life in my world is really like.

I guess I'll start this by telling everyone about me just a little. I should put this on MySpace, but that would be too much work.

So who am I? Sometimes I am not sure, but from what I can think...
I am that strange guy that used to say stupid things in high school to get a reaction even if he didn't mean them.
I am that want to be jock that can hold his own in so many sports but excelled in none of them. I'll never be an MVP, but I am that integral part of the lineup that never gets traded. I love baseball the most.
I am a leader that hates to lead.
I am a romantic guy that has never had a real romance.
I want someone I can not have and have been pursued by someone that I don't want.
I'm quiet most of the time and sometimes I don't know when to shut-up.
I am a spirtual person that hates religion. I've been hurt by church, but know I should go back to one somedays.
I love to drink beer, but never more than 2. Tequila is my friend and Vodka is my Frienemy.
I act crazy when I am drunk and even crazier when I am not.
I love to eat, and I hate to cook, even though I am good at cooking.
I am a loner, but I love being with friends.
I get sick on roller coasters but I love to ride them.
I sucked at marriage, but I want to get married again.
I love kids, but have none of my own.
I like to make fun of people and when people make fun of me.
I have the craziest laugh when something is real funny, and when it happens, people think i am hyperventilating.

Well that's all I can come up with... If I think of anything else, I'll add more later.

My Freedom Began

I am free....
I've been dupped, manipulated and over controlled before, but did not know the extend of it until recently. For so long, I've thought that by just listening and trusting what someone else told me, that would be enough. Boy was I wrong. I was caught in a destructive cycle and I was losing my identity and losing my sense of self worth. When things were going wrong in my life, I let certain people tell me what to do and how to handle my situation. All that listening did was turn my faith in hearing in God for myself into faith of God talking to me through another person. And I didn't know it until now.

Not let me preface what I am going to say here before I tell how I realized what changed my life. We are given Apostle, Prophets, Pastors, Teachers, and Elders for a reason. They are to help us walk our walk with the Lord and possibly answer any questions that we have. They are to help protect us when there is possible danger, and to help us become stronger in the Lord. What the danger is, is when you give them too much control. When you start to rely on them to be your voice of the Lord or when every decision you make has to go through them.

I was in a situation that everything I did had to analyzed, submitted, and run through another person. If I wanted to take a vacation, I had to tell this person, when, where, and how long. Not only that, if what I wanted to do conflicted with their plans, I was very strongly encouraged to change my plans. If I didn't I would be labelled in rebellion and had to deal with the consequences. One such instance, I wanted to visit my former fiancee (we got married, so that is why I say former) for Christmas, not only was I told that I could not go, but I also got yelled at for kissing my future wife. I can understand this persons convictions about certain things, but from what I read in the bible, we are all to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. His conviction are his and mine are mine. End of story.