Karaoke: The American Idol Prerequisite

SCREECHING IN VA BEACH

Fox Broadcasting may not like what I am about to say, but I think it needs to be said.

GOING TO A KARAOKE BAR AND SINGING SHOULD BE A REQUIREMENT FOR ALL FUTURE AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANTS.

We've seen them all. The William Hung's, the girl imitating the Wizard of Oz lion, and even Sanjayah's made so famous by American Idol. People willing to go on national television and make complete fools of themselves to get their 15 minutes of fame. (Sanjayah's 15 were 14 minutes and 59 seconds too long). Some think they are talented and that Simon, Paula, and Randy are clueless when they don't get those Golden Willy Wonka Tickets to Hollywood.

If only they had a clue about what they really sounded like, they could save you, me, and the rest of the world, money on tylenol after listening to them.

With that being said... I have to confess, that I would be one of the first cut by that new karaoke rule.

I too was thinking about trying to enter the next American Idol popularity contest next year. That is until I found Poppa's Pub. Thanks to them for making me realize, that I was not a diamond in the rough hiding from the entertainment world.

P.S. Brad Arnold and Bob Segar.... I'm sorry to say that disgusting feeling you felt at 11:00 PM EST on June 24, 2007 was the your stomach turning knowing that somewhere in the world, I was destroying a great song.

Squeezably Soft

I've gotten so lazy lately.... I really need to get back to the gym. It's been 3 weeks since I have even come close to the gym. I feel like I'm become a marshmallow. 3 words... Pillsbury Dough Boy. That's what I've become. You poke me not only do I laugh, but your finger will keep going for about an hour before you hit something other than blubber.

White not Black.

We've all done it...
We all do it. Whether we are tired, a little tipsy, or even just speaking before we think.

Last night it was my turn. And it was funny when I said....

It's 11pm. I'm on beer #6 and we show how started playing Quarters Basketball with a penny. And then out of nowhere these words come out of my mouth....

"PB.... I MAY BE WHITE, BUT I'M NOT BLACK"

Two seconds of silence and then belly roaring laughter for the next 10 minutes.

I know what you are thinking.... You wish you had said it first, but sorry, you can't claim it.

Let's hope dreams don't come true

Hard Decisions...
During a point in everyones life they have to make decisions. Some easy, some difficult. Some are simple choices, like what to make for dinner or where to eat for lunch. Some take some thought. I can't remember the movie reference, but at one point, the question was asked; You are driving down the street and see your best friend, the woman of your dreams, and an eldery woman in need of medical assistance. What do you do?

Sunday night I had a dream along the lines of a having to make a distinction of who lives or dies. It still frightens me two days later.

It started with on a pleasant day with my favorite person, Imogen's mom, and her daughter. We were enjoying some fun times at the beach and laughing while a storm was rolling in. During our adventure we came apon a place where the sand and the boardwalk formed what looked like a deep bowl, almost like a sink hole. This hole was so deep that if someone were to be pushed into this pit, they would not be able to get out on their own.

Then the unthinkable happened.

As we were walking around the pit, a hard heavy wave knocked the three of us over. It felt as if the ocean waited til we were in the perfect position, and then sent it's version of a atom bomb to hurl us into a watery dungeon that nature had formed. And after the wave had subsided, I was forced into a precarious place where my judgment was needed.

As it turned out, after the wave had passes. I was safe still on the beach, but I was alone. I heard screaming and crying but could not see who was screaming.

I looked in the pit and there was Imogen's mom's daughter, struggling to keep swimming. But where was Imogen's mom? I looked around frantically and finally saw her. She had been captured by the sea, knocked unconsious and was being dragged out to the depths of the ocean. It was at this point, I had a choice to make. Save Imogen's mom, a person a care deeply about and don't know what I'd without this person and leave the daughter to her fate, or save the daughter and let Imogen's mom go, knowing that she would most definitely die.

Then I awoke in a cold sweat....

2 more Days til Busch Gardens 2007 Part II

Where is my Camera when I need it...
I miss my camera.

I used to have a very good digital camera that a former family member gave me as an engagement gift. Unfortunately, shortly after someone left, it disappeared. Coincidence? I think not. But that is neither here nor there. Reason I am so distraught is because I had a perfect picture taking opportunity. There they are sitting at the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay. Their anchors in the sand below. All prepared for their morning journey to Waterside in Downtown Norfolk for Harborfest. I'm talking about large sailboats. Not those fiberglass water ski's that have a sail and motor. I'm talking about Pirates of the Carribean, Master & Commander type sailboats.

I am there standing in the sand looking at these beauties when all around me people have their cameras out snapping away. I am sitting there just looking. I even called Imogen's Mom to tell her of what was going on and she wasn't able to come. Can you believe it? A moment so memorable and I have nothing but my memory to refresh them with.

I miss my camera.

Joke of the day...

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs:

Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called "beer" that is essentially in liquid form.

The most effective varieties are being shipped in from other countries. "Beer" is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.

The shocking statistic is that this "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Please! Forward this to every man you know... There is safety in numbers...

Sadie Danielle Update....
Check you this update on Sadie Danielle. Such an cute little one. Can't wait to go see her for the first time. Caleb was so excited about the arrival of the new baby that when "Mommy was feeding the baby and explaining to Caleb about how she eats. Caleb pulled up his shirt and said “Caleb’s turn.”". LOL!!!

Day 2 of the Mini Vacation

Late Excuses....
Everyone has heard of the outrageous late excuses that have been used. Apart from the I overslept and traffic excuses, most companies rarely hear many oddball excuses. I say most, because, where I work it seems like a new excuse comes everyday. This morning our secretary passed out a list of them. Here they are....

AGI Acceptable List of "I was late because" excuses.

1. Employee was poisoned by mother-in-law.
2. Employee's grandmother died (again).
3. Employee was feeling all th symptoms of his expecting wife or daughter.
4. Employee called from his cell phon, saying he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.
5. Employee tried to re-wire car electrical system to add a few dozen lights and now car will not run.
   
6. Employee's house burned down.
7. Employee's mother was in jail.
8. Employee's arm hurts.
9. Employee was sad or distracted. (I'm proud of this one)
10. Employee had to take son(s) to court AGAIN.
11. Employee has fallen and can't get up.

It's alive!!!
I think I created a monster... She started a blog. She knows who she is so I won't mention names (we'll call her Imogen's future mom for now thought), but now she is going to be blogging as well as myspacing. What have I done? And you know what is worse... I am not sorry!





joke of the day...
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I''ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know sh*t?"

Vacation at the Office.

While the boss is away....
This is going to be one interesting week. I get to have sort of a mini vacation this week with out taking off of work and with out going anywhere. It is going to be relaxing, fun and it will be worth it. How did that happen you ask? Well... the president and vice president of the company got the privilege of taking a trip outside of the United States for a job. This means that unlike any other time that they are out of the office, it would be an extraordinary chore for them to call into the office and ruin the fun that we are having. So that means, that instead of hustling and bustling to get things done, I can chill and slow down a little. I can also goof off a little more...

Update on me...
Yesterday someone corrected me about something... I did not suck at marriage, but rather I just was a victim.

My Weekend at PB's

The adventures of JP
This past weekend was an semi eventful weekend. My original plans included the beach, going to work and being one lazy mofo. By Friday night, they were totally rearranged.

I ended up not doing a single one of those things. Instead I helped my friend set up his pool for the summer. I had no idea exactly how time consuming it would really be and the pain it would cause. By the time we were done cleaning, drying, setting the pool up for the water, getting new hoses and filling the damn thing, it was 10 at night and still couldn't even swim in the damn thing til the chlorine took effect. I even got a freaking sunburn cause i made the mistake of taking my shirt off. In the end it was all good cause there was plenty of beer to drink to forget, plus I'll also get the benefit of diving into that pool next week. (BTW, that is a picture of the type of pool, not the pool itself)

I will say one thing however... I will have to give it up to Imogen's Mom for putting hers up by herself (or so she claims). I was so tempted to drive over there and say something, but I didn't want to interrupt her party.

more about me
I told you that when I find out more about myself, I'd let you know so here we go...

I'm a diehard Cubs fan. Laugh if you want, but even in losing, I keep the hope alive.
I do take risks, but there is one I want to take that I just haven't yet. I dream about doing it all the time, but I'm not ready yet.
I'm still afraid to go back to church. It's been 7 months since I've been and the hurt from the last one I went to is still fresh.
I Love Papa John's Pizza.

Getting the Hang of my blog

Fresh Roads
Well it is almost finished... The makeover is progressing everyday. This morning I awoke and headed to work and I was pleasantly surprised. All four lanes of Ocean View Ave. between 4th Bay and Pleasant Avenue are paved and ready for painting. This area that was once the home to prosititutes, drug dealers, strip joints, biker bars and was known as the armpit of Norfolk is starting to look nice. 10 years ago, you could buy the best 2 story house in the area and not pay over $100,000. Today, the cheapest you can find is $300,000 and there are several million dollar houses near the bay. Pretty soon, I won't be able to afford to live here. What will I do then?...

I did it...
On a side note... I reached my FitLinxx Goal of 15000 points yesterday. Only took me 15 months but I did it. My next Goal is 30,000 which I should reach in 3 months this time. I don't plan on taking a year break like I did last year.

Copy of an email I just got....
"Hello my friends this is just to let you know we are celebrating the birth of Sadie Guthrie. Our 6th grandchild I am so amazed. I can not make this message long because I am watching the other 5 so here are the stats. Born 8:55am EST Weight 5lbs 8oz length 18.5"".

It's almost like being an uncle when one of your best friends has a child. The girls are starting to catch up. Along with Dominic (Tina's son) and Cameron (Amanda's son), which are my biological nephews, there is Caleb, Noah, Dawson (Sarah's 3 boys), Micheal and Daveigh (Jeremiah and Desiree's). Now Daveigh has Sadie to help torment the boys. Way to go and Congrats David and Sarah!!!